


You are my Forever

by QueenOfDestielLand



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Aftermath of Violence, Big Brother Gabriel, Castiel and Bees, Castiel in the Bunker, Crowley and Bobby Bromance, Crowley and Feelings, Dean and Kids, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Fluff, First Dates, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Castiel, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Kid Fic, M/M, Metatron Being a Dick, Mutual Pining, Nephilim, Parents Castiel & Dean Winchester, Past Rape/Non-con, Post Mpreg, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Sam Winchester, Slow Build Castiel/Dean Winchester, Slow Build Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Smut, Socially Awkward Castiel, Soul Bond, Trauma, True Love, Uncle Gabriel, Uncle Sam
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-16
Updated: 2015-12-17
Packaged: 2018-05-07 00:21:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 29,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5436365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfDestielLand/pseuds/QueenOfDestielLand
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel shows up at the bunker, traumatized, covered in blood and carrying a mysterious newborn baby. He is broken in ways that possibly even the Winchesters can't fix, but they will try to anyway. </p><p>So begins a long road of recovery, discovery, family and the acceptance that sometimes you do deserve to be saved, even when you think you don't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I had this story posted a long time ago, and decided to edit it a bit and see how you guys like it. I hope you enjoy. 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: There are elements of this fic which are very dark, and i will post the proper warnings at the beginning of each chapter.

_Cas, where are you, man? It's been months and I'm worried. Look, I don't know if I've done something to piss you off, but we can talk about this, okay? Just stop pretending we don't exist. Please, just come back to us..._

Dean sighed in exasperation, ignoring the questioning look from Sam across the table. He still prayed to Castiel everyday, despite never actually getting a response in return. He supposed it was that part of himself that had always been loyal to the angel, despite the terrible things he had done in the past. Even in Purgatory, the oldest Winchester had never given up on his best friend, because he needed that awkward seraph in his life, and had for quite some time. In typical Dean Winchester fashion, he assumed that _he_ was the problem. Maybe Dean had offended him in some way, or maybe the angel had finally realized that he was a _powerful celestial being_ who didn't need to be at some human's beck and call. It had only taken 7 years for him to figure that out, if that was the case. Dean would have laughed at that, if he didn't feel like breaking down and sobbing like a 5 year old girl.

He and Sam had searched the first month or so, chasing down any leads that might bring them any closer to finding him. Nothing ever came of it, though, and they both began to wonder if maybe Castiel just didn't want to be found. Dean couldn't tell his brother the truth about his feelings for the angel. Hell, he couldn't even admit the truth to _himself, b_ ut he knew they had stopped being platonic a long time ago. He wasn't sure when it had happened exactly - somewhere between Dean carrying about the angel's trench coat when he died, or that fucked up year in Purgatory when he refused to leave Castiel behind. Either way, maybe it no longer mattered anymore. 

Dean slammed his laptop shut in frustration and sat back in his chair, pouring himself another shot of whiskey. He had tried to find a case, no matter how small, just to get his mind off Castiel, but the monsters weren't doing him any favors. "Dude, there are _zero_ cases lately. Did all the bad guys take a vacation or something and not tell us?"

Sam shrugged, turning the page on one of the many old books he had found around the Men of Letters bunker. "You should be glad that we can actually sit here and relax, instead of being on the road 24-7 and sleeping in cheap motel rooms."

Dean swallowed down the amber liquid and frowned. "Easy for _you_ to say. You're perfectly happy doing nothing but looking through ancient texts all day, like the big nerd that you are."

"Says the guy who fangirled when he found Excalibur." Sam gave him Bitch Face #34.

"Excalibur is an awesome sword, okay? I got excited!" Dean leaned forward and pointed a finger at his brother. "Don't act like _you_ didn't get a little excited, too, Sammy."

Sam rolled his eyes and flipped another page. "Not as much as you did. Still, it wouldn't kill you to pick up a book every once in awhile. You might actually learn something."

"Hey, I read!" Dean said indignantly, an actual pout forming on his mouth.

"Busty Asian Beauties doesn't count, Dean."

The older Winchester glared across the table at his brother before pouring himself another drink. "I am the brawn of this operation, you're the brains. I thought we established this a long time ago."

"I don't know why you can't give yourself more credit than that, Dean. You're pretty damn smart."

"Whatever. My point is, it's strange that there's hardly anything weird going on. Like the calm before the storm, and _that_ makes me nervous as fuck."

"Just enjoy it while you can. Our lives aren't exactly-"

"Dean..."

The hunter stilled at that voice, that familiar deep, gravelly voice that he would never forget no matter how many lifetimes he lived. Emotions swirled inside him like a vortex -anger, relief, hurt - and he had no idea which one to cling to. He slowly lifted his mouth to the shot glass and took a drink of liquid courage before turning to face the formerly absent angel.

"Nice of you to drop by, Cas," he said sarcastically, "I was beginning to think that you-" The words died in his throat as he took in the horrific sight before him.

Across the table Sam gasped, and for a moment both of them were frozen in place.

The angel stood in the doorway, covered in blood and leaking glowing blue ooze from a nasty looking wound in his abdomen. One of his hands was holding desperately onto the door frame, while his other arm held a tiny, squirming bundle wrapped in an equally bloody yellow blanket. The blue eyes lifted to meet his, and they were full of pain and terror, but underlying relief. Then Castiel's eyes fluttered shut, his body beginning to fall forward, and the brothers jumped into action. Before the angel could drop to the floor, Sam grabbed the bundle out of his arms and Dean caught Castiel. The older hunter threw the angel's arm over his shoulder and led him to the couch in the living area, gently laying him down on the cushions. Worry creased Dean's forehead as his eyes swept over his best friend, the wound standing out in stark contrast to the rest of his body. He pressed a shaky hand to it, the crystal blue ooze coating his hands and tingling on his skin. Whoever had caused harm to Cas was going to pay for this, that's for sure. He only hoped this wasn't the blood of innocent people on that familiar khaki trench, but they would worry about that little detail later.

"Shit, Sammy. Who the hell did this to him?"

"Uh, Dean?"

"What, Sam?" he snapped in exasperation. Dean turned to look at his brother, who had peeled back part of the blanket revealing what was inside. Bright green eyes stared back at him, and his mouth dropped open in shock. "Is that-"

"Yeah... Where did he get it?" Sam asked, rocking the tiny form against his broad chest.

"Dude, I know as much information as you do right now. We'll have to ask him when he wakes up." Dean turned back to look at the angel again. "Dammit, Cas... if you were in trouble why didn't you just come to us? You know we would have helped!" It was one of those situations where Castiel probably thought that because they were humans, they didn't stand a chance. 

"Maybe he couldn't. Maybe that's why-" Sam gestured to their unconscious friend.

Dean swallowed thickly, feeling like there was gravel coating his throat. "Here, let me see the rugrat. Go get some towels and a glass of water for Cas, okay?"

Sam handed off the baby to his brother and walked quickly into the kitchen.

Dean began rocking the small infant gently, and felt his hand start to tingle again. The blue substance was still coating most of it, and he turned his palm over, trying to figure out what it was. The baby began to whimper in his arms and he looked down at it. "I'm sorry, kid. Not a very good start for you, is it? I'm not sure what happened to you and Cas, but we'll sort this out, okay? You're safe here."

"Dean?"

The hunter glanced up and saw those blue eyes boring into his again. He quickly leaned forward to press a hand against the angel's cheek. Castiel flinched before he could, and Dean immediately pulled back. "Sorry, Cas I know, my hand's are pretty dirty..."

"It's not that... or you." Castiel attempted to sit up, but only floundered and fell back against the cushions again. "It _is_ you, right? You're really here?"

Dean nodded. "Yep. I got you, buddy. I'm here. But..." he lifted up the squirming baby. "Care to tell me why you have a baby?"

Sam returned with the water and handed it to the angel, who took it with a shaky hand. "What happened?"

Cas drank from the glass as if he had been a man stuck in the desert, the liquid dribbling down his chin as he downed the whole thing. Sam took the empty glass back from him but remained next to the couch, waiting for an explanation. "I'm sorry," the angel said, in a more gravelly voice than normal. "Please just give me a moment to rest, then I will leave you two alone."

"What? Are you crazy? Why would we want you to go?" Dean demanded.

"I don't want to burden you with... this." Castiel swept a hand between himself and the baby.

"You're not a burden, you're family. Now tell us who we need to kill so we can fix this, alright?" Dean's jaw set in a mix of determination and anger, because he knew he wasn't going to like what he was about to hear. Castiel had come here covered in blood and carrying a random newborn, not to mention he had actually seemed terrified when Dean had touched him, something that never happened before. The angel was the one who never understood personal space, not him. There was nothing in those details that suggested anything good had happened.

The angel reached for the tiny bundle, and Dean handed the child off to him, despite some reservations about doing so. For all he knew, Castiel had kidnapped the kid, for whatever reason. Castiel cradled it gently in the crook of his arm for a moment. When he looked up, his face was filled with shame. That immediately put both the hunters on alert. Maybe it was Castiel who had fucked something up. _Again_.

"I am worried you both will cast me out if you learn the truth."

Dean took a few steps back before he realized he had done it. There were times in the past when Castiel had betrayed them, or did something with good intentions only for it to end up worse than before. He had lost trust in the angel for a long time, and it had taken forever to repair their bond, because the older Winchester didn't trust anyone easily. Despite everything, Castiel remained the greatest friend he ever had, and he was willing to at least hear him out, since he didn't think he could handle losing the awkward angel ever again.

"We're listening," Sam said gently, pulling up a chair. He was using the 'you can trust me' voice he always adopted with witnesses during their hunts. "We all make mistakes, so if it's something we can help you with, then let us help. Okay?"

Castiel nodded, his blue eyes flickering to Dean for a moment. "I'm sorry, Dean." The angel said it with the same raw emotion he had when he was about to put the souls back in Purgatory. After he had became Godstiel and massacred humans and angels for weeks and broke Sam's mental wall. It put Dean on edge, and he sat down slowly on the farthest side of the couch from Castiel.

"Tell us what happened. Now."

He didn't like being so forceful or cold to Castiel, but he had to think like a hunter right now, if things were really as bad as they seemed.

"Do you remember how I've been gone for the past few months?"

Of course he remembered. He had only been praying to the angel about 10 minutes ago.

Dean cleared his throat, earning a knowing look from Sam. Dean wasn't sure what it was Sam thought he knew, but he didn't have time to explore that right now. "Uh, yeah. Thought you were... busy or something." Dean finally said, bracing himself for the inevitable betrayal from his best friend yet again.

The angel looked down at the baby in his arm, who had managed to fall asleep. "Metatron grabbed me."

At this, both the brothers tensed, their jaws setting in anger. "Okay..." Dean slowly replied.

It only got worse from there. "He grabbed me one day, and soon after, I learned I was pregnant."

"He... he knocked you up?" Dean sputtered, not knowing whether to be shocked his male angel friend had gotten pregnant, or pissed that Metadouche may be the father.

"No," Castiel said, a single tear slipping down his cheek. "The baby is not his. This baby is... the result of a soul bonding. It is very rare. When the grace of an angel bonds with the soul of someone else, a child can be born if the connection is strong enough."

Dean felt a pang of jealousy at that, wondering who had gotten close enough to his angel to create something so special. He glanced at Sam, who was giving him _that look_ again, and he quickly averted his eyes. "What happened, Cas?"

"Metatron... he tortured me. He wanted to use the child for his own selfish gain, because nephilim are so powerful. I think he wanted to use him as a weapon for Heaven, so he could try to be God again." Cas let out a shuddering sigh. "He tried to rip it out of me! He did everything he could to try to break me!"

Dean felt rage swirl inside him and he clenched his fists so tightly his nails dug into his palm. Sam also looked furious, his face set in a look that Dean had only seen a few times before - usually reserved for those who had hurt someone Sam cared about.

"I'm sorry, man. I'm so sorry," Sam said through clenched teeth.

"I don't know how it happened, but the baby was shielding itself somehow. No matter how many times Metatron poked and prodded with knives or drills, he couldn't get through. When I gave birth to him, the light and the sound that came from it was so blinding and pure that Metatron had to fly away or risk being turned to ash. It gave me a chance to escape, and this is the first place I thought of to come."

"You _just_ had this baby?" Sam sputtered.

Castiel nodded. "About an hour ago. I had to stop and rest before I could continue here." He looked down at the baby, his son, and another tear slipped down his cheek. "I am so sorry for bringing my problems to you yet again. I had nowhere else to go."

Dean looked down at his palm, a mix of blood and that strange blue substance coating it. "Cas... what is this blue stuff?"

"My grace. That's how the baby was born." Castiel glanced down at the wound on his body, which was slowly healing itself. "I will be alright. The grace can regenerate to an extent, albeit slowly." The tears began to flow freely from Cas then, sobs shaking the man's body. "He almost got me, though. I was nearly close to death before the baby came..."

Dean had never seen the angel - a warrior of Heaven - cry like this before, and something inside him snapped. He lost control. More than he had since the day he swung a tire iron at the Impala when John had died. More than when Sam jumped in the pit, or when he got the Mark of Cain. He leapt to his feet, standing there seething as images of what Castiel must have gone through flew through his mind like some sadistic slide show.

Metatron maliciously cutting and drilling into Castiel day after day in an attempt to steal an innocent baby. Castiel desperately trying to reach the Winchesters before he could pass out and leave the baby unprotected. Before he realized it, he had turned and was punching the wall over and over again, feeling pain sear up his knuckles and red flash behind his eyes. He barely registered it until the angel put a hand on his shoulder and turned him around in an attempt to stop him.

Blue locked on green as they stared at each other, so many emotions swelling between them, things that neither of them were ready to talk about. He felt guilt rise up inside him and he tried to look away, but Castiel hooked a finger under his jaw. "Dean, why are you hurting yourself? This is not your fault."

The angel knew him better than anyone, maybe even Sam, and of course he knew that the hunter would blame himself for this.

"It _is_ my fault," he whispered. "I should have known something was wrong when you didn't answer my prayers. I thought you were just busy or something... but you were being abused this whole time."

"No, it's not. I heard all your prayers, Dean. I heard the one you made just before I came here... I don't blame you for thinking what you did. I haven't exactly been reliable the past 8 years, and that is _my_ fault."

Dean's gaze slid down to the bloody trench coat again and his jaw tensed. "I should be the one comforting you, not the other way around. Come on, let me help you get cleaned up."

"No, I can't. The baby-"

"I'll watch over him," Sam said from behind them. "You need to take care of yourself first, before you can take care of him, Cas."

The angel relented with a sigh, and followed Dean down the hall. The hunter turned on the faucets when they reached the bathroom, twisting the dials to a comfortable temperature, then went into his room to find some clean clothes. His hands still shook slightly as he looked, finally settling on a grey Henley shirt and jeans, thinking it would be strange to see the angel in something other than his trademark trench coat. Returning to the bathroom, he saw Castiel just standing there, looking in the mirror like he didn't recognize himself, his face streaked from the tears he had shed.

"Cas?" Dean said softly, so as not to startle his friend. "I brought you some things."

"Sorry." The angel looked at him as Dean handed him the fresh clothes. "Thank you, Dean."

"Welcome. Just call me if you need anything, alright?" Dean shut the door behind him and stood there for a moment, taking a deep breath and trying to collect his thoughts.

"It's been awhile since I've seen you that pissed."

The older Winchester jumped slightly as his brother appeared next to him, baby in tow. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Is your hand okay?"

Dean glanced down at his fists, raw and torn from his assault on the wall. He had almost forgotten about them in his haste to help the angel. "I've been through worse."

"Do you want some help?" Sam asked, with a quirk of his brow.

"Huh? With what?"

"With Metatron. You _are_ planning to fuck him up for what he's done, right?"

"Damn straight. That asshole is gonna pay. First, I want to make sure Cas and the kid are taken care of before we summon him, got it?"

"Yep. You know I always got your back." Sam smiled. "He's been allowed to live for far too long. Now, he gets to see what it means to piss off Sam and Dean Winchester."

Dean smirked. "We're gonna have a good time, Sammy. A real good time."


	2. Chapter 2

After the angel had finished his bath, Dean helped Castiel into his bed, covering him with the blue and green plaid comforter that Jody had made him last Christmas. Those blue eyes he knew so well were fixed on him the whole time, fear still lurking in their depths. Dean knew Castiel wasn't afraid of _him_ , it was the trauma of what he had gone through that was still poisoning Castiel's mind. The angel still hadn't gone into more detail about exactly what the scribe of God had done to him, or who the other father of the baby was, but neither Winchester wanted to question him about it yet - not when he was like this. Dean just knew he had never once seen this man so terrified, and it was making his protective instinct go into overdrive. He had to force himself not to take out the lamp or another wall in frustration.

"Okay, Cas. Get some sleep. Call me if you need-"

"I don't sleep, Dean," Cas insisted, looking like a small frightened child as he peered at the hunter from the mess of blankets. "And I don't want to take your bed."

"You need a recharge or something, man. Having the baby, being tortured, flying here... you need to rest. Don't worry about the bed, I'll be fine. I got my four hours earlier."

"You're lying."

"That's a matter of opinion. Anyway, I'm going to go watch your kid, so..."

"The baby." The angel attempted to sit up, but Dean gently pushed him back down. In his weakened condition, he was no match for the hunter, a fact which bothered Dean more than he wanted to admit. "I have to-"

"Do you trust me and Sammy?"

"Of course. That is why I came here immediately." Castiel smiled a little.

"Then you know we will protect your son, right? We will make sure nothing happens to him."

"My son..." The blue eyes glazed over as the reality of it hit him. "I am no parent, Dean. I ruin everything I touch."

Dean snorted. "Gee, doesn't _that_ sound familiar. Hate to break it to you, buddy, but you're a parent. There's no going back now."

"I can't do this," Castiel whispered, raw emotion covering his face. "Not alone. I can barely... he deserves so much better than me as a father."

Dean put a reassuring hand on the angel's shoulder. "You aren't alone. You have me and Sammy. Hell, I'll call Bobby and Jody tomorrow and see if they can come help, too. We'll get through this, Cas. I promise you."

Castiel actually seemed surprised. "You want to help me? Even after all I've done to you and your brother?"

The hunter took a step back. The journey to Dean's forgiveness had not been easy for Castiel, and he knew it. The angel had gone above and beyond trying to make things right, everything from always saving their asses to leaving freshly baked pies on Dean's pillow. Even though it had been years since the Leviathan debacle, parts of it still stung him because he had put so much trust in his angel. The truth was, he would always forgive Castiel, because he was the only one besides Sam who ever put so much faith in a broken hunter with alcoholism and daddy issues.

"Yeah, Cas. You know I will _always_ try to help you. All you gotta do is ask."

"You are my best friend, Dean."

Those blue eyes filled with such sincerity that Dean had to turn away to keep his own emotions at bay. All those things he felt for the angel, things he shouldn't feel, had to be constantly pushed down when Castiel was in his general vicinity. It got worse when they were having one of their heart to hearts that even Dean occasionally initiated. Despite their profound bond, there was no way they could ever be... _more_. He had accepted that a long time ago. It wasn't just the fact that Castiel was a guy, because yeah, that was a big part of it. Dean had always been straight. Years of one night stands with random women he met in bars could attest to that. But then, there was the fact that this was an _angel_ , a holy celestial being who deserved so much more than someone like Dean. He couldn't commit to a movie much less to a long term relationship. Add all his fucked up issues to the mix and you got fire and ice, oil and water.

An angel and a hunter.

"Yeah, Cas... you're mine too. Listen, get some rest, okay? Me and Sammy will watch over your kid." He paused at the doorway. "Did you pick out a name yet?"

"A name?" The angel seemed confused by this. It just brought a smile to the hunter's face.

"Yeah. We can't just keep calling him 'the kid' or 'the baby'."

"I haven't really thought of it yet," Cas admitted sheepishly. He glanced up. "What would _you_ name a child, if you had one?"

Dean turned around to look at him. "Me? Uh... I don't know." He ran a hand through his hair and grinned. "I've always liked this one name, but you'll probably laugh at me. Or not even understand the reference."

"What is it?"

"Jack. Like Jack Nicholson? He is one of my favorite actors."

The angel scrunched up his nose in that strange  ~~adorable~~  way he did when he was confused about something. "I have never heard of him."

"Dude, he was in _The Departed_ , _Easy Rider, McClintock_... awesome movies. I'll have to show you sometime. If you want, I mean."

Castiel smiled. "I'd like that. And, I think Jack is an interesting name."

"Really? A half angel, half human baby named Jack?" Dean laughed. "Yeah, I suppose that's kind of cool."

"I think... it will suit him." Castiel's eyes fluttered closed, his voice straining with exhaustion.

Dean took that as his cue and closed the door quietly behind him. He found Sam in the kitchen, carrying the baby in one arm, and a carton of milk in the other, looking absolutely bewildered as he searched for something.

"Having fun?" the older Winchester inquired. He earned another bitch face for his trouble.

"Trying to find something to put this milk in so I can feed him."

Dean realized then that they truly had their work cut out for them. They'd have to get diapers, toys, bottles, clothes. The kid was as naked as, well - the day he was born.

"Here, let me hold Jack while you look."

"Jack?" "Yeah, Cas liked my suggestion." Dean smiled proudly, taking the baby from his brother.

"You and your Nicholson fetish." Sam put the carton of milk down while he tore open another drawer in frustration. "This place has the _actual_ Spear of Destiny, but not a fucking baby bottle?"

"Hey! Language!" Dean said, attempting to cover Jack's ears.

"Dude, if he's gonna be in _this_ family, bad language is the least of his problems." Sam meant it as a joke, but it came out sadly dismal, and the smile slid from Dean's face.

"I'm going to call Bobby and Jody tomorrow, and see if they can bring some stuff. I don't want to leave Cas alone here, not while Metatron is lurking around ready to snatch Jack away."

"Yeah." Sam paused in his search to glance at Dean. "Don't you wonder who the father is?"

"Huh? It's Cas."

"No, I mean... he said that his grace mixed with someone's soul. So there had to be someone else, right?"

"Yeah, I guess so." Dean looked down at the curious green eyes that regarded him. Logic pulled at his brain but he quickly kicked it in the face and decided a subject change was better. "So, did you find anything?"

Sam held up a turkey baster. "Well... it could work, right?"

Dean barked a laugh. "Oh my god. No, Sam. Poor kid. His first meal can't be via turkey baster."

"Well, I don't know what else to use!"

Dean thought for a moment about the situation. There was a time when Sam was still a baby that John had forgotten his bottle in one of the motels they had stayed at, so Dean had to be creative. He walked over to the drawer, where he found a box of sterile, powderless gloves and yanked one out. "Warm up some milk in the microwave. Not too much, maybe about a cup."

Sam went to do as he was told, while Dean rooted around another drawer for a needle. He found one just as the microwave beeped, and Dean handed Jack off to his brother again. He carefully poured the milk into the glove, before poking a tiny needle in the tips of one of the fingers. 

"There we go."

"Where'd you learn to do that?" Sam asked, clearly impressed by his ingenuity.

"Long story." Dean definitely didn't want to get into another discussion about how badly John Winchester had failed them. He walked over to Jack and lowered the finger of the glove to the baby's mouth. Jack began to suckle hungrily on it, giving satisfied cooing noises. 

Both brothers breathed sighs of relief, thankful he didn't require angel grace or nectar from the Garden of Eden or some crap for nourishment. After a few minutes, the milk was gone, and Dean cradled Jack against his chest, lightly patting him on the back.

"You're a natural at this," Sam mused.

"Yeah, well, I had to take care of _you_ , remember?"

Sam nodded. "You've always taken care of me. I'm glad I have you."

"No chick flick moments, Sammy." Dean smiled a little despite himself. As he held the tiny newborn in his arms, his mind wandered to the broken little angel in Dean's bed. Castiel and Jack didn't deserve having this done to them. Dean was still angry with himself that he didn't realize something was wrong when the angel hadn't shown up for months. Maybe he could have prevented this somehow. Maybe he could have been the one to save Castiel for once.

Dean Winchester didn't work in maybes, though. He worked in absolutes. And he was _absolutely_ going to kick Metatron's ass when he got ahold of him.


	3. Chapter 3

"A baby?" Bobby's gruff and disbelieving voice came through the other line. Somehow, even after knowing the Winchesters for as long as he did, the older hunter was still able to be surprised.

"Yep, live and in the flesh." Dean looked down at Jack, who was sleeping peacefully in his arms.

"And you're going to help him raise it?"

"Whoa, I don't know about _that_ , Bobby. We're just going to teach him the ropes so _he_ can raise it." Dean adjusted Jack in his arms. "We're hunters - we can't have kids. You know that."

"You boys were raised into the life, and you both turned out great. Heroes, even. Nothing wrong with wanting a little more for yourself, boy. You of all people deserve it." Bobby actually sounded proud.

Dean would be lying if he said the honest words from a man he loved like a father didn't make him get a little misty eyed. He quickly wiped the offending tears away, feeling his heart beat faster at the implication of the older hunter's words. "Bobby, I - don't know what you're talking about."

"Sure ya don't, idjit. Must be all in my mind."

"Anyway," Dean continued, not wanting to have _this_ conversation. "Think you and Jody can come down here and bring some baby stuff? I don't want to leave Cas or Jack alone, not when Metatron is lurking around still."

He heard Bobby murmur something to Jody in the background. "We'll be down there by this afternoon. And try not to get into any more trouble." Bobby ended the call and Dean slipped his cell back in his pocket.

"Cas up yet?" Sam asked, yawning as he entered the kitchen, running a hand through his long brown locks.

Dean sat down on a stool and shook his head. "Nope. He was still out like a light when I went to check on him earlier."

"Metatron must have really done a number on him," Sam muttered, pouring himself a cup of coffee. "Poor guy."

"He'll get what's coming to him, isn't that right Jack?" Dean cooed, making a funny face at the baby, who had started to stir awake. "We are gonna punch that asshole right in the face, aren't we? Yes we are!"

"Did you even get a chance to sleep?" Sam asked with a frown.

"Here and there." In Dean speak, that meant not in the slightest.

Sam glared. "You could have had me take shifts with you watching over Jack."

"It's fine. It's not your responsibility."

"So it's somehow _yours_ , then?"

"Just let it go, Sammy."

Sam slid into the stool next to him, watching his brother for a minute. His hazel-green eyes landed on the baby blue blanket that covered the infant. "Hey... is that-"

"Yeah. It used to be one of yours, remember? I didn't want Jack to be wrapped in some dirty, bloody blankie all night."

"You kept it all these years?" Sam reached out to touch the soft fabric, faint memories twinging on the edge of his mind that he hadn't thought about in years.

Dean shrugged. "Yeah. I guess I'm kind of sentimental like that."

Sam smiled softly. "That's actually kind of sweet."

"I thought I'd keep it just in case... you know. Someday."

Dean would never admit it out loud, but deep down he had always wanted a kid of his own, despite his fear that he would end up like John. He had even hoped that Ben was biologically his son, even though Lisa adamantly denied it. As time passed, he realized that the hunter life was no life for a kid, especially one with the same last name as him. Everything he touched got corrupted, and if the fallen angel in the next room wasn't a prime example of that, he didn't know what was.

His little brother didn't pursue the topic, much to Dean's relief. He didn't think he would be able to have that conversation now, or _ever_ really. It was just too damn hard to think about. Sam simply drank his coffee in silence.

"By the way, look what I found when I switched his blankets." Dean gently pulled aside the blue fabric to reveal tiny downy white wings. Each wing gently fluttered as they were exposed, the swirl of blue and green on the tips of the feathers shimmering in the light.

Sam's mouth dropped open. "Wow... we can actually see them." One of his hands hesitantly reached out towards them, then pulled back, as if worrying the wings would turn to ash under his fingertips.

"Must be because he's just a little guy right now." Dean replaced the blanket again, rocking Jack gently. "We will have to ask Cas about it when he gets up."

As if on cue, the angel shuffled into the room, looking only slighter better than he did last night. His wounds seemed to be healing, albeit slowly, but he no longer looked like he was about to pass out at any moment. His blue eyes landed on the baby and he just stared, his expression unreadable as it usually was.

Dean just felt relieved that his best friend was still here and safe, because the past few months without him had been hell, and he should know. "Morning, Cas," Dean said with a smile. "Want some coffee?"

"Dean..." The angel's voice came out small and meek. "I have to go."

Dean felt anger flare up in him and he tried to keep it down. "What? Cas you just got here, you're not strong enough to -"

"I'm sorry. I should have told you last night that I couldn't stay."

"Of course you can't," Dean spat out, way more bitter than he intended. "When can you _ever_ just stay and actually spend time with people you claim to care about? That would be crazy right?"

"You don't understand-" Castiel began, but Dean cut him off.

"No, I get it. I understand that we are not as important to you as we once were. I understand that for months I have been worried sick about you and had no fucking clue what was going on or if you even gave a damn about us. I _understand_ alright!"

Castiel stalked angrily towards the hunter, Dean quickly handed Jack over to Sam and stood to face whatever onslaught he was about to receive. "Actually, Dean, you really don't. I have to leave now to keep everyone in this bunker safe."

"This is the safest place in the world for us, and you know it. So stop trying to feed me bullshit and tell me the real reason why you're in such a hurry to leave."

The angel's face twisted into fear and panic again. "I shouldn't have come here. I was so selfish..."

"Either you tell me what the fuck is going on, or you can go ahead and fucking leave forever, since you're so eager to get away from me!" He knew he was being petty, and childish, and saying the words hurt him almost as much as they ended up hurting his best friend.

Castiel recoiled as if the hunter had punched him in the face, not that it would have done anything if Dean had actually tried to. The angel was furious now, and he stepped so close to Dean that their noses were almost touching and they were breathing the same air. The hunter and angel glared into each other's eyes while Sam tried to calm down a now crying Jack in the background.

"Guys, this isn't helping."

"Shut up, Sammy. Now tell me, _Castiel_. What are you hiding?" He jabbed a finger into the angel's chest for good effect.

"Aren't you curious at all how Metatron managed to keep me prisoner?" Castiel spat out, those blue eyes flashing. "How he was able to trap me?"

"Why don't you enlighten us?" Dean snapped back, feeling his fists clench at his sides.

"He tricked me, Dean. I don't know how he did it, but he managed to send a prayer from you to me, making me believe that you and Sam were on the verge of death. Obviously it wasn't you, because when I got there Metatron was waiting for me." The anger slowly drained from the angel's face. "He didn't even have to trap me in sigils or holy fire... all he had to do was threaten to kill you and Sam if I tried to escape."

All the rage inside the hunter melted away and he stumbled back, grabbing onto the counter for the support. Sam had paled and was staring in shock at the angel. "Wait... did you willingly let yourself be tortured just so that we wouldn't be hurt?" Sam whispered in disbelief.

Castiel nodded, his eyes sliding over to the tiny bundle in the younger Winchester's arms. "That's why it was foolish of me to come here, knowing he would try to follow through with his threats. I have put you both in danger, again." The angel looked back at his best friend. "I'm sorry, Dean."

"Cas... no I..." Dean didn't know what to say. What could one say, after all? The angel had always gone above and beyond for the Winchesters, rebelling against Heaven itself to keep them safe. There was no "Thanks for letting the Scribe of God torture you so that you could keep us from dying again" Hallmark card. He fisted his hands in his hair. "Dammit, Cas, I'm not worth you dying over!"

"I would do anything for you and your brother. Which is why I need to leave here. It's not safe for you right now, not until I find out what he is planning."

"He can't get into the bunker," Sam finally said, his voice laced with emotion. "This is the safest place for you to be. Please trust us and let us help. It's the least we can do."

"I don't want to put you in danger. I would never forgive myself if something were to happen to either of you due to my own selfishness. I just ask that you keep my son safe while I try to figure this all out. I would not trust anyone else with him."

Dean finally was able to speak again and he straightened up, giving the angel a determined look. "Cas, you aren't going anywhere, even if we have to chain your ass in the dungeon. Metatron and his mooks can't get inside here with the right sigils. _No one_ can unless we want them to. Jack needs you, man. I need you. You're family. Please."

The angel seemed genuinely touched by his words. Dean rarely said please to anyone, but when he did, there was more meaning to it than just the word itself. It was raw desperation that was reserved for only a few people in the hunter's life. "Alright, Dean. I'll stay. If you're sure..."

"I'm sure, you idiot. Now stop this bullshit and come sit down." The angel smiled and did as Dean requested, sliding into the stool on his left.

"Would you like to hold your son now?" Sam asked, walking over to Castiel.

Castiel seemed uncertain when Sam handed Jack over, the bright eyed baby looking up at his father with a goofy grin that was all too familiar. He held him in the crook of his arm, gently rocking Jack back and forth. "Thank you both, for helping me," he said finally. "I'm sorry for losing my temper."

"Don't be. We all know Dean can be a dick sometimes," Sam answered, then put his hands up when Dean shot him an icy glare. "You're welcome. By the way, does he only eat normal human food, or does he have to eat something special since he's an angel?"

"He's half human, so he can eat regular baby food. As he gets older, his grace will grow stronger and he will get his energy from that, but he will still be able to eat if he wants."

"We fed him some milk, but Bobby and Jody are bringing some stuff to help." Dean smiled at him. "And we can fix up one of the rooms for you and Jack."

"You don't have to-" Cas began, but Dean interrupted.

"Shut it, Cas. We are doing it."

The angel sighed in resignation, knowing that when Dean got an idea in his mind no one could talk him out of it. "I like Bobby and Jody. They have bright souls."

Dean nodded. "They're good people." He glanced at his brother, who had sat down at the table and was nursing a fresh cup of coffee. "Think you can handle this for awhile? I need to get some shut eye before Bobby and Jody get here."

"Yeah, Dean. Don't worry about a thing." The older Winchester slid a glance between his brother and the angel then turned to walk down the hallway.

Castiel looked up at Sam, who had a look on his face that he was familiar with. It was the 'I want to talk about feelings' look that Dean had often complained to him about. It was rarely directed at the angel, so he sat back in his chair stiffly, awaiting the inevitable interrogation he was about to receive. He already had a good idea about what this would be about, considering Sam was a very intelligent person and way better at deduction than Dean was sometimes.

"So..." Sam began, taking a long sip of his drink. "Anything you want to share?"

"I-I don't know what you mean," Castiel stammered out, suddenly unable to find words.

Sam's eyes narrowed as he glanced at Jack, who looked right back at the hunter. "Well, I was thinking to myself how those green eyes look _really_ familiar. Don't you think so, Cas?"

Of course he had figured it out. The angel wouldn't expect anything less from Sam. He was once going to be a lawyer, after all. Still, it didn't stop him from playing naive to avoid a conversation that could potentially cause a rift between he and the brothers. Castiel had no idea if they would shun him for the truth, though Sam seemed more concerned that the angel hadn't admitted it yet, than the truth itself.

"Do they?" he managed, after Sam crossed his arms and waited for a reply.

"Dean deserves to know," Sam said, standing up to put his cup in the sink. "I won't tell him, because it's not my business to tell, even though it _is_ my nephew. Do the right thing, here. Dean trusts you, hell we both do. You know he considers omission of truth just as bad as lying." He turned and walked down the hallway, leaving Castiel to sit alone with his new son and wonder if maybe, just maybe, there was a bright future ahead for him and Jack, instead of the dismal one he had already accepted.


	4. Chapter 4

Bobby and Jody arrived later that afternoon, their arms laden with grocery bags and baby toys. Sam and Dean quickly ushered them inside, helping take the load off and setting the bags down in the kitchen. They had gotten everything you could think of for a newborn baby, down to the build-it-yourself crib from Ikea. Dean had ended up getting maybe an hour of sleep, his worry over Castiel and Jack outweighing the need for blissful unconsciousness.

"Where's the angel and his kid?" Bobby asked, while he filled the cupboards with baby formula.

"I think he's holed up in Dean's room," Sam replied, taking out some of the toys from the bags.

The older hunter raised a brow at that. "Dean's room?"

"Hey, he came here bloody and broken and needed a place to rest," Dean retorted. "Like I was supposed to keep him on the couch all night?"

Bobby put his hands up. "I ain't judgin', boy. It was just a question. Cas, get in here!" he called out.

A few moments later, the angel walked into the kitchen, now wearing a black AC/DC shirt and grey sweat pants. It was odd to see Castiel in anything but the trench coat, but right now that particular garment was in such disarray it would probably never come back from it this time. Dean felt a little saddened about it, since it had been through a lot in the years he had known the angel. When Jack fell asleep during the night, Dean spent what time he could attempting to scrub out the fresh blood stains, but he had little success in making it whole again.

"Bobby, Jody," Castiel greeted with a friendly smile. "Good to see you both."

"Aww, isn't he adorable!" Jody said, leaning down to look at the newest member of their family. As soon as she saw Jack's green eyes, of course, her glance immediately swept up to Dean, then to Bobby, and they shared a knowing look.

Dean naturally, was oblivious to all this, as he ran to make a bottle for the baby.

"Thank you," Castiel replied, noticing the exchange between the older hunter and the sheriff but saying nothing. He was not a stupid person, and he knew exactly what they had deduced on one glance alone. It wouldn't be long before he would have to come out with the truth, and he still feared how Dean would take the news. Knowing the older Winchester as he did, it wouldn't be well.

Sam just rolled his eyes. "So, how was the trip?" he asked, continuing to pull various onesie's and toys out of the bags. "Did you buy the whole store, Jody?"

"She tried to. And the trip was boring. Not even an accident to rubberneck on the way here," Bobby said, adjusting his trucker cap and sitting down at the table.

Dean brought the bottle over to Castiel, who took it and gently lowered the nipple to Jack's lips. The baby eagerly suckled on it, swallowing down the formula with gusto.

"Hey, he likes it!" Dean exclaimed, looking like he was going to do everything but jump up and down with excitement.

"It's baby formula and he's a baby, of course he's gonna like it," Sam muttered.

"Shut up, bitch."

"Jerk."

"Language!" Jody scolded, wagging a finger at them.

Dean put his hands up. "Sorry."

Bobby and Dean left the kitchen shortly after, to find a spare room for Castiel and Jack. Sam trailed behind them, carrying the box with an unmade crib inside. Jody continued to sit at the counter, watching the angel thoughtfully while she sipped coffee. She had much the same look as Sam had before, and he frowned, wondering if Dean was the only one who didn't know Jack was his son.

"How are you holding up, Cas?" she inquired, placing a gentle hand on his arm. "Dean told me what Metatron... Listen, just know I'm here if you need someone to talk to. I've dealt with a lot of trauma survivors before."

"I am alright, I think. I was mostly more concerned for the welfare of Jack and the Winchesters'."

She nodded, putting both hands on her coffee cup. "You and those boys are the most self sacrificing people I've ever met. No wonder you fit in so well to this family."

The angel smiled at this kind woman who he had grown fond of in the time he had known her. "You feel I am family, too?"

She laughed, slapping a hand on her knee. "Of course, Cas! Anyone who can put up with Sam and Dean for such long periods of time deserves a friggin' medal."

"Life with the Winchesters is definitely not for the faint of heart." He carefully placed Jack against his shoulder and patted the tiny back. "But they do make life interesting, too. There was this one occurrence..." He glanced towards the doorway, to make sure the brothers' weren't in ear shot. "Dean prayed to me, and I showed up to find him and Sam stuck at the bottom of a well, wearing what appeared to be women's garments and high heels. Both of them have refused to tell me what happened, but to this day I am curious about the circumstances which landed them in that predicament."

Jody burst into laughter, holding her sides as she gasped for air. "You've got to be kidding me! I wish you had gotten a picture of that!"

"It was before I learned how to use the camera feature on the cell phone Dean gave me." A smirk appeared on the angel's lips. "In all my time of existence, that was truly the most hilarious thing I had ever witnessed."

Jody leaned forward, propping her chin on her hand. "You know, when I first met you, I was terrified. You were - _are_ \- this all powerful heavenly being that could smite us all with a mere wave of your hand."

Castiel frowned. "I would never do that."

"I know you wouldn't. I'm telling you how I first saw you. Especially how I saw you with Dean."

The angel blushed and looked away. "I... don't know what you mean."

"It must be hard for you, right? You have never been in love before, so you have no frame of reference."

He nodded slowly, adjusting Jack in his arms to gently rock him. "Yes. I have never felt this way about any of my Father's creatures. The only thing I can even compare it to is my love for God, but it's different somehow."

"Why did you rebel and give everything up for Dean?"

It was a question he had often asked himself over the years. He had spent many a night analyzing it in his head, wondering why things that had been hard programmed inside him since his creation had been tossed away because of this _one human man_ who would be a mere blip of time in his existence. His blue eyes lifted to meet hers. "I think I love him."

She nodded, taking a long drink of her coffee. "And what will you do about it? Especially since now you have his son?" She gestured to the baby in the angel's arms.

"How did you know it was his?" Castiel whispered, his expression filling with fear.

"The eyes. I'm surprised Dean hasn't noticed yet, unless he's just in denial."

"He doesn't want this. He would _never_ want this. Or me."

She smiled reassuringly at him. "Don't be so sure of that. Just as much as you have done everything for him, he has done so much for you. He has forgiven you when anyone else would have been shot dead for their betrayal."

When the angel winced, she patted his arm again. "I'm not judging you. We all make mistakes, and deep down you did it all for him, remember?"

He tilted his head. "Do you really think..."

"Never know unless you try, Cas," Jody said.

"I worry it will ruin the friendship. What if he gets angry with me and tells me to leave?"

"No matter what happens between you, he would never do that, and you know it. You tried to kill him once, and yet here you are, sitting in his kitchen, completely trusted and cared for and forgiven. For all his bravado, Dean Winchester is a big softy at heart." Jody stood, setting her empty cup in the sink. "I'm going to go check on the boys. You might not have to talk to Dean right now, but you know you have to do it soon."

The angel nodded in resignation. "Yes. And I have never been more terrified in my life."

She paused to press a kiss on Jack's temple as she passed. "It would be worse to never tell him. Imagine sitting by in his short lifetime and never once letting him know how you truly feel. Watching as he moves on to someone else and never knowing that he could have had true unconditional happiness with an angel who would move worlds for him. To me, _that_ is something to be terrified of."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to thank you all for the kudos and comments. As you know, it makes me super happy to see them!
> 
> Pack your bags - we are going on a feels trip.

The angel found Sam and Dean in a spare bedroom, swearing at each other as they attempted to put together Jack's crib. Castiel simply watched the scene from the doorway for a few minutes, chuckling to himself at how they interacted. Even after 7 years of knowing the brothers, it still brought him great amusement and joy. Their love and sacrifice for each other warmed his heart, even before he understood exactly what the feeling meant. It was very much like the same way he felt about Gabriel - before he went and disappeared all those years ago.

He still refused to believe that Lucifer had killed him. Not Gabriel, not the Trickster.

Jack let out a happy squeal from Castiel's arms after a little while, betraying their presence and ruining Castiel's silent reverie. The brothers immediately turned to look at him, smiles lighting up their faces and replacing the agitation that was there a minute ago.

"Hey, Cas." Dean wiped his hands on his jeans and stood, while Sam turned back around and continued fiddling with the crib. "Did Jack enjoy his meal?"

Castiel nodded, readjusting the baby so that he could rock him. It was still strange to him, having this tiny life depend on him - though he supposed being the Winchesters' guardian angel was very much the same thing, since they had come to depend on him, too. He found he truly liked being needed. It gave him purpose. "He seemed to like it. Thank you for helping me."

Dean shrugged. "Wasn't just us. Bobby and Jody, too."

The angel smiled. "Jody is a nice woman. I like her."

Dean raised an eyebrow at him. "She's a taken woman, Cas. She's practically our... stepmother."

Sam snorted from behind him, and the older hunter threw him a glare.

"I am not interested in her like that. She simply opened my eyes to some things."

Dean seemed intrigued now and took a couple steps forward. "Oh? Like what?"

"Like, the importance of truth."

At this, Sam also stopped what he was doing and came to stand beside his brother. Castiel had always admired their brotherly bond. He was reminded once again of the bond he shared with Gabriel that was so similar.

"Dean, I'm just... very worried that it would ruin things forever between us, and I don't want to lose you."

"The truth can be scary," Dean replied, clearly trying to seem calmer than he was. "But sometimes it needs to be said, because keeping it inside, well, we all know how disastrous _that_ can be."

"The omission of truth is just as bad," Castiel said slowly, briefly meeting Sam's eyes. The younger Winchester gave him a nod, urging him to continue.

"Yeah, it is. We've all lied to each other far too much lately. It needs to stop somewhere, right?"

"Right." Castiel took a deep breath, trying to prepare himself for all possible outcomes. "Jack is... he is your son, Dean."

The hunter immediately paled. His green eyes flickered between the angel and the baby in his arms a few times, looking like a caged animal desperate to escape. Castiel thought that the assessment was probably accurate. "Wh-what?" Dean finally stammered out.

"The soul bond that created this child. He was born because of our bond, Dean."

Sam placed a comforting hand on Dean's shoulder, but the older Winchester shrugged out of it. " _No_. You have done some low things in your time with us, Cas, but this? We were _already_ going to help you! You didn't need to lay it on thicker!"

The angel simply stood there, expecting this reaction from the man he knew better than anyone. Deep down, of course, he had hoped that he wouldn't get this response, that maybe by some miracle the hunter would rush forward and embrace Castiel and his son with jovial delight.

Sam, however, actually seemed shocked at his brother. "Dean, are you kidding me right now? Have you looked at Jack's eyes?"

"Lots of people have green eyes!" Dean yelled, balling his hands in fists. "I can't believe you would make up these lies, Cas! You know that you and I have never..." He swept a hand between them. "You know."

"We do not need to copulate for this to happen. A soul bond happens when there is true, unconditional love between-"

Now Dean looked furious and he stomped out of the room. "When you're all healed up, I want you to get the hell out of here!" he shouted as he nearly ran down the bunker hallway.

Castiel could feel tears threaten to fall down his cheeks, and he hastily wiped them away.

Sam was in front of him now, his face a mix of anger and sadness at his brother's actions. "I'm sorry, man. I know you aren't lying. I never expected him to react so badly."

"It's not your fault, Sam." Castiel tried to be brave as he lifted up his head to face the hunter. "I will do as he says and leave once I am able to. I won't be bothering either of you again."

"Please, just give him some time."

"I appreciate your concern, but Jack and I will be fine. I will do whatever it takes to keep him safe."

With that, Castiel turned and walked out of the room.

xoxo

Of all the things Castiel had done, claiming that he and Dean had some sort of soul baby was not something he had ever imagined would happen. Sure, he knew that he and the angel were close, they were _best friends_ for God sakes, but this? True, **unconditional love**? He scoffed as he leaned against his Impala, staring at the sunset in front of him. There was no way. Dean Winchester didn't fall in love, especially with an angel in a dude's meat suit. He could barely fall asleep. And even if it were true, that would mean that poor Jack was now just as cursed as his Dad was, with all that Winchester blood coursing through his veins. Metatron already had it out for the kid, and no doubt other people would crawl out of the woodwork once they found out. Dean might as well paint a target on the baby's back because that's all he would ever be. Constantly running and hiding from the next big threat. The thought saddened him to no end, and he closed his eyes, almost wishing this was some horrible dream.

Almost - because despite himself, he knew he wanted this. He wanted a kid and had for some time. Dean just never thought it was responsible to bring a kid into the world, into his world. He knew what was really out there. All those stories about the boogeyman and things hiding under your bed and in your closet was actually true, and Jack would grow up knowing that. Even now, Dean regretted Sam having to learn the truth when he had found John's journal that day. Dean had tried to write it off as fiction, hoping his younger brother would believe the lie and move on. Unfortunately, Sammy was far too smart for that, and wouldn't let it go. That hadn't changed, either as Sam had gotten older. It only got worse.

He heard the door to the bunker open and close, and Bobby appeared at the top of the stairs holding two beers in his hand. The older hunter silently handed one to Dean, while opening his and taking a long swig. Dean accepted it, knowing that he was about to have his ass handed to him, and he probably deserved every bit of it. He had been such an asshole to Castiel. He was surprised the angel hadn't smited him into oblivion for how Dean had treated him. It was a thought that had often run through the hunter's mind over the years, ever since Dean had first met the angel in that barn on that fateful September evening. Why hasn't this asshole smited me for being a complete dick to him? 

_Because he loves you, asshole!_

Yeah, he wasn't going to get into _that_ train of thought right now.

"Nice evening," Bobby remarked casually, bringing Dean out of his reverie. 

"Yep." "So..." 

"Are we really going to do this?" Dean asked, pressing the cool condensation of the bottle against his forehead. It was a hot day, made worse by the fact he had stomped through the bunker in a rage. He wasn't proud of himself for that. 

"Damn right we're going to do this!" Bobby shot him a glare that would make lesser man cower. 

Even now, Dean quickly dropped his gaze and focused on the bottle in his hand.  "What, did Sammy run and tell you or something?"

Bobby took another drink of his beer. "No. The whole damn bunker heard you being a moron. Didn't need your brother giving us an update." 

"What do you expect me to do?" Dean snapped. "That isn't my kid!"

"You're a damn fool, boy. You're the only one in that place who thinks he ain't yours." 

Dean frowned, pouting like a petulant child. "I don't care what anyone else thinks." 

"I am truly surprised at you, Dean Winchester. You're the one who's _always_ put family first above everything. You're the one who's kept this family together all this time. Not me, not your brother, or even that angel of yours. It's _you_. And you're going to sit there and tell me that you're not only going to kick Cas out, but that baby, too? _Your_ baby?" 

"He would be safer away from me," Dean whispered. 

Bobby shook his head. "You know that ain't true. You do everything to keep your family safe, even if it means you bein' a self sacrificin' son of a bitch. I have no doubt that Jack would be the safest baby on the planet if he stayed with you." 

"You have too much confidence in me, Bobby. More people get hurt when they're around me. People die when they're around me. Haven't you seen that?" 

"No, people die when they are meant to. You can't carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. That's too much for anyone to bear, even you. What you can do is be the man I know you to be, and look after your family. There's a boy in there who ain't even a day old, and the Scribe of God already tried to get his hooks in him. Jack needs you, Dean. Hell, even Cas does. Don't be like your daddy and push away everyone you love."

"If I accept the truth, that would mean that Jack is a Winchester, which means anyone who is after me, will be after _him_. I'm cursed, Bobby." 

"Cursed." Bobby scoffed. "You got a roof over your head, food in your belly, a brother who idolizes you, an old hunter who loves you like a son, an angel who rebelled against Heaven _itself_ for you, and now a baby. I wouldn't call that cursed, boy. I'd call it blessed."

Dean nearly laughed out loud. Bobby was right, of course, just as he always was. He pushed himself off the Impala and ran a hand through his hair. "Do you... really think I could do this? Be a father, I mean. I don't..."He dropped his gaze to the ground. "I don't want to be like John." 

Bobby walked over and placed a hand on his shoulder. "You're _nothing_ like John, ya idjit, so stop worrying about that. I know you'll be a good father. You'll love that boy and care for him, and spoil him rotten. You'll teach him how to keep himself safe, and watch him grow up and become a good man just like you are. Are you forgetting you raised your brother? Look how he turned out. He's strong and smart as a whip, and has saved the world on more than one occasion. If that's any indication of what kind of daddy you'll be, then my bets on you." 

"Sammy got addicted to demon blood and raised Lucifer from the pit." 

"Yeah, and you're too worried about what a dead man thinks to let yourself be happy with the man you love." 

At Dean's indignant look, Bobby shrugged. "You have a terrible poker face when it comes to Cas, sorry to tell ya." 

"One thing at a time, Bobby."

The older hunter nodded. "There'll be plenty of time to deal with that, but you _will_ need to deal with it soon." 

Dean wrapped the older man in a hug, feeling tears sting his eyes. "Thank you, Bobby." 

Bobby nodded, patting him on his back. "You're welcome, boy. Now get in there and sort things out with the angel, before he smites your ass, and rightly so." 

Dean laughed, quickly wiping his eyes and heading inside. His surrogate father was right of course. Dean had faced down the Devil himself, he could handle a tiny half angel/half human baby who called him Dad.


	6. Chapter 6

The confrontation with Dean had gone much worse than he hoped, but sadly he figured it would turn out that way.

Castiel sat in the library, gently rocking Jack in his new yellow bassinet and trying to figure out where they would go once the angel was strong enough. He didn't have a lot of options really, since the Winchesters and Singers were his only allies and friends. He supposed all he really could do was to just keep running until Jack would be old enough to defend himself from whatever threatened him along the way. The idea didn't make the angel happy in the least, but he didn't know what else to do under the circumstances. Dean wanted him to leave, so he would leave.

"Here you are."

Castiel looked up to see the hunter leaning in the doorway, an unreadable expression on his face. Usually the angel could read Dean like a book, but this time the impassive expression only made him more fearful of what Dean could possibly say that he hadn't before. He quickly stood, leaning down to pick up Jack to avoid further confrontation, but Dean gestured for him to sit back down. Castiel did as he was told, and nervously ran a hand through his hair.

"Hello, Dean."

"Hey, Cas."

The hunter sat down on a chair next to him, clasping his hands together and taking a deep breath. "So, uh... seems like we have a lot to talk about."

"Listen," Castiel began, struggling to find the right words. "I don't want you to think that I had ulterior motives for wanting to tell you about Jack. Jody and Sam said it was the right thing to do, and that you deserved to know. Please don't think I have any expectations or-"

_Now_ there was an emotion the angel could recognize on his hunter's face. Annoyance. "I don't know who you think you're talking to, Cas, but I don't abandon family. Ever."

"I know. But you seemed upset, to say the least, and I just wanted to let you know that you are free of obligation."

Now Dean was seething, and giving Castiel a look that had made demons and angels alike afraid for their lives. He averted his eyes, trying not to meet the steely gaze.

"Don't be a dumbass," Dean said quietly. "It's only because I don't want to wake Jack that I'm not kicking your feathery ass right now for saying such stupid things."

"I don't know what you want, Dean." The angel rested his arms on the library table. "Please, tell me what you want."

The hunter sighed, his green eyes landing on the tiny baby in the bassinet. "Look, I'm not father material, Cas. I am probably even less qualified for the job than _y_ _ou_ are." When Castiel opened his mouth to argue with him, he simply put up a hand to stop him. "But here we are. Parents. Apparently fate, or God, or _whoever_ got the bright idea that you and I should be daddies, so that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to help you raise this kid and pray to whatever angels are still on Team Winchester that we don't fuck this up." 

Castiel brightened, shocked at this admission. "Really, Dean? You want this?" 

"I'll tell you something I've only just told Sammy earlier; I've always wanted to be a father. But then I looked at what me and my brother had to go through - moving from motel to motel, having to grow up way too early, being trained to be soldiers, and always having targets on our backs because of who we were - I didn't want that for any kid I had. So I focused on the job and accepted that I was going to live as a hunter and die as a hunter, probably too young and having nightmares that would inevitably land me and Sam in a padded cell with hug me jackets. I accepted that, Cas." Dean ran a hand over his scruff covered chin. 

"For what it's worth," Castiel said, "Despite the faults your father had, he raised you and Sam right. You both turned into wonderful humans and amazing hunters." 

Dean flushed a little at that. "Thanks, man. I just don't want to screw this up, you know?"

"I know. I didn't want this either, Dean. I'm an angel. I've been Heaven's soldier for over a millenia, since before I can remember, and it's only been in the time I have known you and Sam that I understood anything but being a warrior. I am afraid, too. I - don't think I can do this without you." He once again avoided the hunter's gaze, because it wasn't easy for Castiel to admit that he couldn't do something, and that he needed help. It made him feel weak and vulnerable. 

"Do you... regret having Jack, then?" Dean asked hesitantly.

The angel glanced down at the newborn that had been created from true love (even if Dean didn't accept that part yet). "My only regret is that he has me as a father. What I _am_ thankful for, however, is that he also has you, and now he might actually have a chance." He finally looked up to meet those green eyes, and so many emotions reflected back in them that he couldn't help but stare. Locking gazes with the hunter wasn't something new for them. He knew it usually ended up with Sam clearing his throat in the background, though it was only recently that Castiel understood the implications of staring at each other. He wondered if Dean understood those implications as well. "I care for you very much, Dean." 

The Winchester stood and began to pace. "I know how you feel about me, Cas. I... I don't really know what to say about it yet. You, me, Jack... that's going to take a lot of getting used to on it's own. Love is yet another thing hunters don't generally get to have, and another thing I accepted that I wouldn't either." 

"Do you... love me, Dean?" 

For the second time that day, the hunter looked panicked, and his head snapped up to look at the angel. "Don't - I don't - I don't say _that_ to anyone, ever." 

"What about your brother?" Castiel asked, with an inquisitive tilt of his head. 

"What I feel for Sam is much different than what you are talking about. Brotherly love is much different than... _that_ kind of love, no matter what those fanfiction writers would have you believe. Ugh, it's complicated, Cas." Dean raked a hand through his hair again, frustration coming off of him in waves. 

The angel felt bad for pushing him, knowing how closed off Dean usually was. Him accepting his role as Jack's father was a huge step to begin with. He should have known not to press about other things as well. "I'm sorry. I was just trying to be honest. I fear I have made things worse." Castiel sighed and stared down at the table as if it held all of life's answers. At this point, he wished it did. 

Dean slid back into the chair again, facing the angel. "I need to sort this out on my own, because I have never - I've always been straight, Cas. My whole life. John wasn't exactly the accepting kind of guy who was totally cool with two men being together."

"But I am not a man." 

"Yeah, yeah, I get it." Dean leaned back in the chair. "But right now, you still have the same parts I do." 

The angel frowned. "I should have used a female vessel. Maybe then you would have loved me." 

"Dammit, Cas, look. I have feelings for you, okay? I can admit that much. I just don't quite understand them yet. You've been my best friend for years, the only one other than Sam that I could rely on when I'm putting my life on the line during a hunt. That took a lot of time and a lot of trust. To change the dynamics of our relationship is a huge step. Do you understand that?"

"Yes. I don't expect you to love me back, Dean. I just want you happy. That's all I have ever wanted." 

Dean smiled at him, that same smile he had when Castiel had rescued him from Zachariah so many years ago. "Having you here makes me happy. I hate when you fly off and deal with the winged dicks who don't care about you like we do. I worry every time you zap away because I never know if or when you're coming back." 

The angel felt elated when Dean said that, a feeling of hope slowly rising in him. "Do you really enjoy my presence here?" he asked. 

"Of course I do." The hunter paused for a moment, then slid a rough, calloused hand over the angel's. "I can't promise you I will rush headlong into... _this_ , whatever this is," he said, sweeping a hand between them. "But I promise you that we can at least take it slow, alright? This is very new to me, and you know I don't do long term relationships, especially ones with dudes." 

Castiel covered the hunter's hand with his. "I was worried you truly wanted me to go." 

"No, Cas. I never want you to leave. I was just pissed and scared." 

"I don't either. I've always wanted to just stay with you and your brother." Castiel felt warmth spread through his heart. "I am grateful that you're even giving me the chance. I know you wouldn't normally." 

Dean tensed slightly, but didn't move away. "No, I wouldn't. One night stands are the only love connection I ever wanted. Sammy was the lucky one who got a chance to try to have the white picket fence and the smiling wife waiting for him at home."

"Bobby was able to find someone, perhaps Sam still could as well."

"I guess it would have to be someone in the life, a nice girl who could handle herself in a ghost fight. Or a guy, I don't judge." Dean's mouth lifted in a goofy grin. "I really want that for him, Cas." 

"You can have it too, Dean." 

The green eyes locked on his again. "Maybe I can. When the time is right."

Castiel knew this was a huge character development for the man he had raised from perdition. The Dean Winchester he used to know would have laughed his way through this whole conversation, making a joke out of a serious situation because he couldn't handle it. For him to even promise that maybe, some day, he would be ready to accept a relationship with Castiel was truly monumental. 

"But for now, we have another issue on our hands." Dean gently slid his hand away from the angel's and turned to look at Jack, who was still sleeping through the very intense conversation his parents were having. "How are we going to do this, Cas? I can't just stop hunting, but I can't drag Jack around with us everywhere, either."

"I'll help you." 

They both glanced up to see Bobby, Jody and Sam standing in the doorway. It was Jody who had spoken, and Dean rolled his eyes. 

"Eavesdroppers." 

"I'm sorry for interrupting," she said, "But I think we all need to come together for this." The older hunter and Sam sat down next to her, each wearing hopeful expressions. Castiel wasn't sure how much they had heard, but he hoped for Dean's sake, they had only just arrived.

"What do you mean?" Dean asked warily. 

"I want to retire from the sheriff gig. I know what's really out there now, and I think I would rather stay at home with Bobby and help him with the hunter's network we got going on. You, Sam and Castiel can still hunt, and when you go, Bobby and I can watch Jack. The house is safe, warded against everything, and you know we would die to protect him. Jack would never have to be taken to cheap motel rooms or put in danger, and you can raise him as normally as possible." 

Dean and Castiel exchanged glances. "I appreciate the sentiment," Castiel said, "but we couldn't possibly expect you to go out of your way-" 

"Hush," Jody interjected gently. "We are family, how many times do we have to say that? Besides, for all intents and purposes, Jack is our grandkid now, too. I would love to have a little baby around the house. Might cheer this one up," she added, jerking her thumb back at her husband, who muttered gruffly under his breath. 

"Thank you," Dean said, "Both of you."

"Anytime," Bobby answered, actually smiling a little bit. Jack began to stir, his bright green eyes taking in the sight of all the faces around him. Dean stood and picked the tiny angel out of the bassinet and held him slightly out so that he could face him. 

"Hey there, Jacky boy, it seems that I'm your new Daddy. Sorry about that, but hey it isn't _all_ bad. You got your Uncle Sammy, and your grandparents over there, and all of them are going to spoil you rotten. You really hit the jackpot, kid." Dean pressed a kiss against his son's forehead, then held Jack against his chest. 

"I'm really happy for you, Dean," Sam said, watching his brother and nephew.

"Thanks, Sammy. Now, enough chick flick moments, who's turn is it to make dinner tonight?"

As everyone moved into the kitchen, Castiel simply stood there for a few minutes, watching the family -no, _his_ family- and thinking that maybe Jack wasn't the only one who hit the jackpot. He did too, when he first laid a hand on Dean in hell, because he was saved just as much as Dean was


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER WARNINGS  
> This chapter is going to be dark, because we are going to explore exactly what Metatron did to Castiel, and it isn't pretty or fun at all. So please take heed when you proceed. Mentions of rape, violence, non con, torture.

"So, I think it's time we had a long overdue talk with the Douchebag Scribe of God."

Sam looked up from the novel he had been reading in his room, _The Fault In Our Stars_. Dean stood in the doorway, a determined look on his face. Sam already knew that resistance would be futile at this point, but he soldiered on anyway. "Do you really think that's a good idea?"

Dean noticed the book title and gestured at it, rolling his eyes. "Really, dude?"

"It's an awesome read, Dean. Though... depressing." Sam frowned and set the book off to the side. "But seriously, it's only been a couple weeks since Cas and Jack came home - are you sure we should poke the hornet's nest so soon?"

"I can't just sit around and wait, Sammy." Dean sat down on the edge of the bed, putting his head in his hands. "I know Cas is worried, too, but he's putting on a good front for me. For us."

"In typical Winchester fashion," Sam said sadly. It was true, unfortunately. If you wanted to learn about how to be a human and deal with human things, Sam and Dean were the worst possible teachers for the job. You would just end up an alcoholic with anger issues who repressed everything and pretended you weren't always five seconds away from eating your own bullet.

"Yeah. We aren't exactly the best examples of how to deal with shit, are we?" Dean sighed. "I just want to keep them safe, Sam. I don't know what I would do if-"

"I know, Dean."

The past couple weeks had gone better than anyone had expected. Dean and Castiel began spending a lot of time together, bonding with the littlest Winchester and learning a routine that made everything go by smoothly. The angel and the hunter would take care of Jack during the day with feeding and bathing, and playing with the many toys Bobby and Jody bought, while Castiel alone would take over during the night, since he didn't need to sleep like the others did. Dean already loved Jack, and the way those curious green eyes would look up at him with wonder, as if he was some kind of superhero. It was a look he had only ever gotten from Sam growing up, and seeing it on his own son warmed his heart. It was what gave him a harsh slap of reality and made him realize that just because Castiel had escaped Metatron's clutches, didn't mean the angel would stop. Dean knew he couldn't handle losing either one of them.

Sam stood and walked over to his brother. The weight on the older man's shoulders was nearly visible the way he was hunched over. The domestic life had been good to Dean, sure, but the outweighing worry about Metatron and his diabolical plans kept him from the joy he deserved to have more than anyone. "I'll help you anyway I can, Dean. You know that."

Dean gave him a grateful smile. "Thanks, Sammy. I think we should summon him in the dungeon and try to get the plans out of him."

"How are we going to do this with Cas around though? He'd never allow it with Jack here."

"Yeah, that's kind of the problem." Sam sat down next to his brother, resting his elbows on his knees as he thought. "Do you want Cas to be here for this? Because maybe he can take Jack to Bobby's, that way he is far away while we have Metatron here."

Dean nodded. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I just didn't want Cas to be involved. That slimy bastard did a number on him, Sammy. I didn't want to trigger anything that would send him off the deep end."

"I know you care for him, Dean. I do, too. Maybe it will help him get through this though, if we're here to support him. He needs to get some closure. He's bad, Dean. _Really_ bad, and he needs our help, just as much as we need his."

Dean shook his head. "Sometimes you're too smart for your own good." He closed his eyes and began to pray. "Cas, can you come in here, please?"

"Seriously? He's just down the hall! You take lazy to a whole new level."

"It's easier than having to pull out my phone, bitch."

"Jerk."

Castiel appeared next to Dean, with a giggling Jack in tow. The older hunter didn't even start at the angel's arrival, apparently used to the angel just randomly popping out of nowhere. Sam still wasn't, however, and let out a very girly squeal that made his big brother smirk.

"Hello, Dean. Sam." The blue eyes locked on Dean's for a moment, a warmth in them that Dean saw more frequently since the angel had shown up in the bunker a week ago.

"Heya, Cas." Dean smiled up at his angel, and Castiel blushed a little and cleared his throat, slowly dragging his gaze away.

"You needed me for something?"

The brothers exchanged glances, neither quite knowing how to approach this subject, because even discussing it could cause angelic wrath to rain down upon them. Sam gestured to Dean, because while Castiel was like a brother to him, Dean had a lesser chance of being smited than Sam did.

"Yeah, uh. Listen, don't be mad, okay?" Dean started, and immediately Castiel tensed, quickly handing Jack over to Sam, who took his nephew and got the hell out of the way, standing on a far corner of his bedroom. Jack merely looked on with interest, seemingly unfazed that his Dad could potentially get his ass handed to him in the next few minutes.

"Dean, whenever you start off with 'don't be mad', that is generally a good indicator that I will in fact, get furious." Castiel folded his arms across his chest, a mannerism that he must have picked up from the oldest Winchester, and glared at the hunter.

Dean stood facing the angel with a confidence that even Sam admired. "I want to summon Metatron here."

"No."

"Hear me out, please." Dean put up his hands to placate the angel, who huffed indignantly and waved his hand for the hunter to continue.

"You have one minute to explain why you would risk putting our son in danger, then I am punching you in the face."

Sam let out a bark of laughter which earned him a double bitch face from Dean and Castiel. So _that's_ what it was like to be on the receiving end of it. He pretended to be fascinated with a speck of dirt on the ceiling.

"Anyway," Dean continued, turning back to his annoyed angel. "It's been a while now, man, and we haven't heard anything from him. I want to be one step ahead of him, and try to find out what his plan is so we can stop it before it starts. You can take Jack to Bobby's so he will be safe while we interrogate Metatron."

"What makes you think he would tell us anything?" Castiel demanded. "He only ever told me that he intends to use Jack because nephilim are powerful, even more so than angels, and can be a weapon for Heaven. Isn't that enough of a plan to sate your curiosity?"

"It just seems like there's more to it, that's all." Dean glanced over at his son, who was yanking on his uncle's long chestnut hair. "I want to keep him safe and protected, Cas. I can't do that if I don't know what game I'm playing."

The angel turned away from him, then. "I understand where you're coming from. I'm just not sure I... the things he did to me, Dean... all to get to Jack."

Dean walked over and put an arm around Castiel's shoulder. "I know, buddy. I know. Sammy brought that up, too. You can always stay at Bobby's with Jack until we're done."

"I won't leave you both here unprotected, either." The angel turned around to face his hunter. "I know Jack would be safe, but I cannot guarantee that of you and your brother if I left."

Sam stepped forward cautiously. "We thought of that. I know you're hurting, Cas. You may not have talked about your experience much with me or Dean, but I know it still bothers you. I'm your brother and Dean is your best friend. We will be here to support you the entire time should you decide to stay. We will always have your back."

The angel smiled gratefully at him. "Thank you, Sam. You are a brother to me, as well."

"You don't have to stay though," Dean said, not taking his arm off the angel's shoulders. "We would both understand if you-"

"I have never run away from a fight," Castiel interjected. "You have both taught me to always face my fears head-on, and go down swinging even if I am outmatched. My recent experience with Metatron might have caused me emotional distress, but you're right. When times have been tough on me, you two have always been by my side. So I will stay and help however I can."

Dean grinned at his angel, finally moving his arm from Castiel's shoulders and clapping his hands together. "Alright then! Cas, take our son to Bobby and Jody's, and me and Sam will set up the dungeon."

The angel nodded, and took Jack from Sam's arms, disappearing a moment later. The brothers headed down the stairs to get the ingredients together. This was either going to be a very good, or a very bad idea. With the Winchesters, it was always a little bit of both.

xoxo

Team Free Will stood in the dungeon when Castiel came back, Jack-less and with the same determined look on his face that Dean had earlier. They had spent an hour checking on wards and sigils, making sure everything was in place to avoid any complications or screwups. The angel was still apprehensive, but his desire to protect his charges, as well as his son, was beginning to outweigh any fear he had over facing his tormentor. Of all the years he had known Metatron, that was the first time he had ever truly felt fear. He didn't like it, not one bit. He had once been a warrior of God, able to smite anything with the press of his palm, and the scribe had reduced him to having human afflictions like PTSD, as the Winchesters called it. Neither of them had outwardly mentioned that they knew, but Castiel was aware that they did.

Little things had set him off during the time he had been here, like when Sam started the blender to make a fruit smoothie, or when Castiel walked into the library one day to find Dean cleaning all his knives. He hadn't realized how bad it was until he had nearly dropped Jack in his haste to escape during that blender incident. Luckily Sam had quick reflexes, and had his nephew in his arms before Castiel could fall to his knees, breathing heavily and gripping tightly to Sam's plaid shirt like it was his lifeline. No one judged him, no one cast condescending glares his way. For that he was grateful.

After lighting the ingredients in the bowl, the three stood there for a moment, awaiting the angel's arrival. Finally, the short man with curly hair stood in the middle of the ring of holy fire, casually pouring a glass of bourbon as if they were just a group of friends catching up.

"Well, if it isn't Heckle and Jekyl." He turned to face them and smiled.

"Metatron," Dean snapped.

Castiel felt his heart beat fast at the other angel's presence, a strange sensation in his chest that had only became a recent occurrence when he would have his "panic attacks" as Sam called them. He felt Sam place a comforting hand on his shoulder, seemingly knowing what Castiel was going through. The scribe's eyes landed on the angel, and the smile turned into a smug look.

"Ah, here you are, Asstiel. Just as I expected."

"Leave him alone," Dean said, putting himself in front of Castiel. "Now, we want answers, and you're going to give us those answers, or you can stay here for the rest of eternity. Your choice."

Metatron took a long swig of his bourbon. "Answers to what, exactly?"

"You _know_ what," Sam answered, standing next to his brother, creating a protective barrier in front of the panicking angel. "What do you want with Cas?"

"With him? Nothing now. That baby however..."

Dean's jaw clenched. "You're not getting anywhere near him, douche! Why do you want him? Tell me or I swear to God I am shoving my knife right down your throat!"

"Kinky. I figured he was yours. I didn't know anyone else who could bond with an angel the way you did. So romantic." A red rose appeared in the angel's hand, replacing the bourbon and he sniffed the delicate petals. "True love is such a beautiful thing, isn't it?"

Castiel tensed behind the brothers. True love? Wait, he couldn't mean... He gently pushed between the brothers. "What do you mean by that?"

Metatron's eyes slid to him and he smirked, but said nothing more on the subject.

Dean glanced at Castiel quizzically. "You know something, Cas?" he whispered.

"I'm not sure. The way he said that just now... it reminds me of this spell."

"Just tell us why you want the baby," Sam demanded. His patience was running thin, as it always did when his family was in danger.

"Nephilim are very powerful, can be used by Heaven or Hell-"

"Yeah, we got that," Dean growled. "The _real_ reason, asshole."

Metatron was staring thoughtfully at Castiel, which made his skin crawl. He knew that look, and he was immediately grateful he had the Winchesters' at his side. "Did your pet angel tell you what we did together, Dean? All the fun we had?"

Both the brothers tensed at this. "Leave him alone!" Sam snapped.

"Oh, my, but we did have a lot of fun, didn't we Cas?" The angel blew him a kiss. "The first night, we made love. It was magical. Truly warmed my dark little heart."

"We didn't make love you raped-" Castiel stopped quickly, but it was too late. The Winchester's whipped their heads around to gape at him, shocked looks on their faces.

"Cas, are you fucking serious?" Dean's face was pale, like he was going to be sick, and Sam looked like he was going to punch a hole in the wall - or Metatron.

"Did Metatron... do that?"

Castiel avoided his gaze, feeling ashamed of the truths that were coming out. "Yes," he whispered.

"He fought me the first few times it happened," Metatron continued, unfazed by the emotional scene before him. "After awhile, he just gave up, especially when I threatened to do the same thing to you, Dean."

"You son of a bitch!" Dean yelled, rushing towards the circle, but Sam grabbed one of his arms while Castiel grabbed the other. "You are going to pay for this!"

Still, the angel didn't flinch, slowly rolling the flower around in his hands, his eyes watching the whole thing play out with almost ghoulish glee. "We spent a lot of time together, the broken angel and I. He willingly stayed while I cut into him every night, my knife going so deep into his body that I almost lost it a few times. There was so much blood that I couldn't even tell where I had cut and where I hadn't anymore. All the while he laid there on that table, not even strapped down, because he was more worried that I would hurt his favorite humans, than what I was doing to him."

Metatron may have been the one in the holy fire trap, but he wasn't the real prisoner here. _They_ were, and he knew it.The three were shocked into silence as the demon continued poking and prodding at their fragile emotions, knowing that the bond they shared was their weakness, just as all the supernatural world did. Metatron had just managed to find darker and more creative ways to exploit that weakness, ways that would have made Alistair proud.

"Then I began using a drill." The scribe laughed. "That was even messier than the knives I used! I got impatient you see, and thought that if I couldn't take that little creature out of his stomach, I'd make sure no one else could, either. So I was going to kill it. Don't give me that look, fellas. Me taking an innocent life shouldn't be news to you by now. The real show stopper was when that baby was born. I wasn't expecting the light show finale, but seeing your angel writhe in pain on my table, and your abomination explode right out of him, well. That was one I will never forget. Truly amazing to see. Good thing I dashed out of there before things got _really_ messy." He turned his attention to Dean. "He prayed to you, you know. Begged you to save him. Begged you to stop his suffering. But you didn't come, and he just stayed on that table, day after day, allowing me to take what I wanted from him because he had lost faith in you."

And that did it. Dean rushed over to the side of the room and threw up, his shoulders heaving, with Sam quickly at his side. Castiel stood frozen, staring at the Scribe of God who was gazing right back at him with that same smug expression on his face that said he had won this. Maybe he had, because out of all of them, he was the one untouched by this whole experience.

The angel made a hasty decision and walked over to the two brothers, placing his fingers on their foreheads and teleporting them to the kitchen. Then, he flew off, not knowing where he as going, but knowing he needed to leave there. He couldn't face the Winchesters right now, not like this. Maybe never again. They would think he was dirty, disgusting for being touched by the other angel the way he had been.

They deserved better.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i just wanted to apologize for the last chapter. I know it wasn't easy to take, but I promise you that everything will work out in the end.

When they landed in the kitchen, Sam quickly straightened, while his brother tried to recover on the floor, the sudden teleportation seeming to have made the nausea even worse than before. He would be lying if he said he didn't feel just as sick as Dean did, knowing what Metatron had done to their best friend, and knowing what he had attempted to do to Jack. He hastily pulled out his phone and dialed Bobby's number once he noticed that Castiel wasn't there anymore.

"Yeah?" Bobby said after one ring.

"Bobby, is Cas there?"

There was a hesitation. "No, why? What happened, Sam?"

Dean was dry heaving again and Sam placed a hand on his brother's back to try to comfort him. "He flew off. I thought he went back to your place to get Jack. Bobby, we summoned Metatron and he told us what he did to Cas. It's bad, really _really_ bad and-" Sam heard his voice start to break.

"It's okay, son. That's what we're here for. Hold on." He heard Bobby murmur something to Jody in the background. A moment later, she got on the line.

"Sam? Tell me everything."

He recounted everything the angel had said, and by the end Dean had ran out of the room, unable to hear anymore of it. Sam wanted to do the same thing. With all the crap they had encountered over the years, nothing had gotten to them as much as this did. Castiel was an angel, a warrior of God who could smite anything with a raise of his hand, but he was much more than that to Sam and Dean. He was an awkward little guy in a trench coat that didn't understand references and tilted his head so innocently you could easily forget the power that was hidden under that backwards tie. But more than that, he was a pure and holy being, a virginal man who didn't comprehend the first thing about sex and what it meant, and Metatron had taken that from him in one horrific act of violence. Though Sam didn't want to think about his brother's sex life, he had hoped that Dean would be the one to share that special gift with Castiel, the first time sharing intimacy and love.

"Shit." Jody's voice brought him back to the present. "That poor angel. Fuck, I want to kill that son of a bitch!"

For a fleeting moment, a smile came to Sam's face, thinking that she had spent way too much time with Bobby and the Winchesters, because she sounded just like them. Then it faded away just as quickly, knowing that time with Sam and Dean was bad for one's health.

"Sam, you there?"

"Yeah, sorry."

"How's Dean doing?" she asked softly, already knowing the answer.

"Not good. He keeps throwing up. I've never seen him so unsettled by something. But I get it, cuz I feel like vomiting myself. It's just _sick_ , Jody. I knew Metatron was a dick, but this?" He raked a hand through his hair. "I don't know what to do. And if Cas isn't with you, that means he's run off, and I have no idea where to find him."

"What do you want us to do about Jack?"

"Keep him there. I think I'll take Dean and come to you guys. Metatron is still stashed in the dungeon, but we need to be far away from here for now. This is too much to take in at once. We just wanted to see what his endgame was, but he _played_ us. He knew what our weaknesses were and he fucking played us."

"Get your asses here then. And be careful on the road."

She hung up, and Sam set to work on cleaning the mess off the floor. Most people might be sickened by cleaning their brother's vomit, but truth be told this wasn't the first time in his life that he had done it. Alcohol had always been Dean's best friend even more than Castiel was, and there were more than a few times when the hunter's life had gotten too much for him and he had ended up face down in it, nearly drowning himself in the process, if Sam hadn't found him. Even Castiel had to do it a time or two, but neither one of them ever spoke about it, to Dean or to each other.

When he was done, he went to his room and quickly packed a couple bags of clothes for the trip. Then, he went across the hall to Castiel and Jack's room, packing up a diaper bag with some clothes and toys. He quietly entered Dean's room, where his brother was sitting on the bed, his face blank as he stared at the wall.

"Dean?"

No response.

"Dean? We're going to Bobby's, okay?"

Still nothing. 

Sam filled a duffel for him, making sure all the usual weapons were there, as well as a couple books he knew Dean enjoyed reading. After packing up the Impala, he came back for his brother, helping to lift him to his feet. Dean wasn't responsive as Sam hauled him into the passenger seat, closing the door gently behind him. As he slid into the driver's side, he glanced over at Dean, who still held that stare that seemed to gaze into pure nothingness.

He was actually in _shock_. Sam had never seen that before, and it terrified him more than he wanted to admit.

Five hours later, they pulled up to Singer's Salvage where Bobby was waiting outside. Sam had called ahead and told them the newest situation with Dean. The older hunter helped Sam drag him out of the car, and into one of the spare bedrooms downstairs. Sam hated seeing his big brother like this and he nearly burst into tears, but knew that for the moment he had to be the strong one here and take care of him, just as Dean had always done for Sam.

Finally, he sat down at the kitchen table, where Jody and Bobby were waiting. Jody was feeding Jack his afternoon bottle, and Sam felt a bit of relief that at least his nephew was untouched by the morning's terrible events. He placed a large hand on Jack's head, who smiled happily at his uncle. "Glad you're okay, little guy," he said, his throat tight with emotions.

"What about you, Sam?" Jody inquired. "How are _you_ doing?"

The younger Winchester sat back in his chair, laughing bitterly. "I-I don't know. Cas is missing, Dean is in some sort of catatonic state. I doubt he even knows where he is. It's like his mind shut down because it was too much for him to handle."

"That's probably not far from the truth," Jody said. "That's how a lot of trauma victims deal with it. The mind has a hard time understanding when horrific things happen, and shutting down is sometimes the only way to get through it."

"Yeah, but Dean? We have seen _so_ many fucked up things in our lives, I never thought anything could cause him to lose it like this."

"Dean is in love with Castiel, and someone raped and tortured him. Tried to kill his son. Dean might be tough, but even _he_ has limits, Sam."

Jody was right of course. Sam had always seen his brother as untouchable and invincible - able to pull through anything. Dean had always been his hero, this otherworldly man who could stand up to anything or anyone. This situation was much more personal and close to home, though. He didn't even know where to begin to fix this, and how to help his family. He wanted to kill Metatron, he knew that much, but killing him might not solve the entire problem. There were other angels, other factions that might try to take Jack away. He didn't think Crowley would let the demons get involved, too, but right now he didn't know who to trust. They needed to deal with the immediate threats as quickly as possible.

He stood up from the table with a loud scrape of his chair, startling his nephew who looked at him with wide eyes. "Don't worry, buddy. Your Uncle Sammy won't ever let anything happen to you." He pressed a kiss on the baby's forehead, the downy white wings fluttering under the attention. He walked quickly outside and looked heavenward. "Cas, are you there? It's me, Sam. I know you're hurt, I know you're broken, but please come back to us. We all need you here, man. Especially Jack and Dean. We will fix this." Silence. He figured that would happen, and sighed. Summoning Metatron had been a terrible idea, and he wished he could go back in time and change it. "Please, anyone... I know you guys don't exactly like the us, but _please_ , help us. Anyone who gives a damn about Castiel. Please!"

The prayer was desperate and he felt strange about it. He had never really prayed to any angel but Castiel before, though he didn't really expect an answer to come from it. Still, he got one.

"I heard your prayer, Sam Winchester."

He jumped and turned around, to see a beautiful red haired woman with aqua colored eyes regarding him with a friendly smile. She wasn't wearing the smart grey suit that angels typically wore, but he could tell by now when one of them was present. He supposed it was due to spending long periods of time with Castiel for years.

"Thank you," he breathed out. "Thank you so much for coming."

She took a step forward, her eyes scanning him warily. "Are you armed, Sam?"

He nodded, showing her the angel blade he kept in his jacket. "I have no bad intentions towards you, though. Not unless you attempt to hurt anyone in my family."

She put her hands up. "You have nothing to worry about from me. I know you've had unfriendly experiences with my brothers and sisters in the past, so I don't blame you for your caution."

He nodded. "I'm sorry for bothering you. Castiel won't answer me and I don't know what to do."

She took another step forward, the friendly look back on her face. "My name is Arabelle, and I am here to help you. I know what has happened. Castiel went back to Heaven and his pain and anguish was heard throughout the host. I am horrified by what the scribe has done to him, as are many of our brethren."

"You guys still care about Cas?" Sam asked, surprised considering how they treated him.

"Most of us do. Castiel was never the problem, you see. It was those who were corrupted by power, eager to be the new God and to take our Father's place. Many of us see that our brother was trying to fix things as best as he could. It isn't his fault bad things happened. No angel knows how to fix Heaven because it isn't for us to fix. Only God knows how."

He liked this angel. She was intelligent and wise, and made a lot of sense. "And Jack?"

"God doesn't make mistakes, Sam. If the child has been born, then he was meant to be born. We will not stand against him."

Was it actually possible that for once, they wouldn't be in danger by one of the dick angels that had loved to use the Winchesters' as puppets on strings for years? He was afraid to hope for that possibility.

"Are you alright, Sam?" He shook his head, feeling everything come tumbling down onto him. "No. I'm so fucking far from alright, Arabelle." He slid to his knees in the dirt, not caring that the rocks and pebbles scraped against him. "I'm sorry..."

She was next to him then, placing a warm hand on his shoulder. "Don't be sorry, Sam. You and your brother have been through much in your lives, and you are allowed to feel. You are allowed to cry."

"I can't," he whispered. "I have to take care of Dean. He's in-"

"Shock? I know. I put him there."

"What?" he snapped, a little too harshly. She didn't take offense.

"I had to. Your brother was breaking down, Sam. The shock of what had happened to Castiel was too much for him. His pain, and Castiel's together... it was a lot to bear. For _anyone_ to bear, really, even for one as strong as the Righteous Man."

"He will be okay, though?"

"In time, yes. It won't be an easy road for him or for my brother. I worry for them, but I have no doubt they will make it out on the other side, together."

Sam smiled at her, relief on his face. This angel actually cared, and sympathized with them. For once, they might have an ally who wanted to help. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." She placed two hands on his forehead and he was suddenly in his bedroom. He started, and looked back at Arabelle who was sitting in a chair next to the bed.

"Sleep now, Sam. I'll watch over you."

So he slid into his bed, thinking that there was no way he could possibly sleep. It didn't take long for him to feel his eyes shutter close and unconsciousness to overtake him.


	9. Chapter 9

_"Cas, are you there? It's me, Sam. I know you're hurt, I know you're broken, but please come back to us. We all need you here, man. Especially Jack and Dean. We will fix this."_

It hurt the angel to stay where he was and ignore Sam's prayer. He felt such pain through those desperate words, but still, he couldn't bring himself to leave his favorite corner of Heaven. The autistic man continued to fly his rainbow kite, the bright summer day lighting the whole area and making it almost ethereal in nature. He didn't notice the dark haired man in the Black Sabbath t-shirt sitting on the bench, crying his eyes out and screaming for a God that hadn't been around in years. Anyone who would have witnessed it would have broken down in tears themselves. Angels were never meant to cry, only to love, and this one had nearly been stripped bare.

"Brother."

Castiel didn't look up at the familiar voice that came from his left. He merely sat there and stared at the green grass, hands clasped together and feeling utterly shameful for what had happened. He felt his sister sit next to him, and her soothing grace tingled his skin at the touch when she gently took his hand in hers.

"Arabelle," he whispered.

"I am here, Castiel."

He didn't need to recount to her what had happened. Arabelle was the angelic embodiment of love, and knew the instant a person, angel or otherwise, found their soulmate, or suffered from a broken heart. Arabelle commanded all the cupids to their destinations, treating them as equals, instead of the lesser class of cherub that most of the others did. She was his favorite sister of all the angels, though he would never admit it out loud. It was through her teachings and guidance that he had been able to understand his feelings for Dean. Some of their brethren thought her job brought weakness instead of prosperity, as emotions were not something that most of them understood still. It was through Castiel's rebelling that some of them started to truly live and aspire to help humanity, instead of sitting in Heaven and plotting the apocalypse.

"Sam Winchester is praying to you."

"I know. I cannot face him right now. Or Dean."

"I put Dean into a catatonic state, brother."

Castiel snapped his head up to glare at her but she waved him off. "He was incredibly hurt by the trauma you endured. He was internally blaming himself, and close to doing something foolish that would have caused Jack to grow up an orphan. I did what I had to."

Castiel sighed, putting his head in his hands. "Thank you. I never wanted the Winchesters to find out the extent of Metatron's violence towards me."

Arabelle nodded. "They are your closest friends, Castiel, and they consider you  to be family. Despite the pain they are feeling right now, it is towards what you have been through, not what you have done to them. Trust in them, brother, as you have always done."

"I don't know if I can this time," Castiel said quietly, so quietly that Arabelle almost didn't hear. "I am tainted now. For all I know, Jack is, too."

"No. I have looked upon him, just as you have. The baby provided his own protective barrier when he was gestating inside you. No darkness got close to him. He is safe. As for Dean Winchester," she said, leaning forward to peer into his blue eyes. "Why would you think he would cast you aside for what the scribe has done?"

"Sam and Dean think I am this holy being, an angel of the lord with Heaven at my back. And now... I am no better than the things they hunt." A tear trickled down his cheeks as he spoke, and Arabelle gently wiped it away.

"You _are_ an angel of the Lord, brother, and you always will be." Arabelle paused for a moment. "Do you remember when you betrayed them some years ago, and swallowed the souls of Purgatory?"

Castiel frowned, avoiding her scrutinizing gaze. "How could I forget that? It was one of the worst choices I have ever made."

"You massacred hundreds, thousands, of humans and angels alike. You broke the wall to Sam Winchester's head, and released the Leviathan on the world. You died, for all they knew, and were gone for months."

"I hope you have a point to all this," Castiel muttered.

Arabelle smirked. "You have been hanging around the Winchesters too much. Anyway, what happened when you came back into Dean's life?"

Castiel thought back to that day, back when he was Emmanuel and didn't know who, or what, he was. His memories of his time spent as the faith healer were still imprinted in his brain, and he could still remember the look on Dean's face when he laid eyes upon the angel for the first time in almost a year. It was a mix of shock, and relief, and hurt, and joy. He could see the recognition in the hunter's eyes, despite the fact he had no idea who Dean was at the time. Even when Castiel got his memories back, Dean still tried to defend his actions, saying the angel "did the best he could". He kept Castiel's trench coat the entire time, moving it from trunk to trunk, even though it remained covered in blood and the evidence of his best friend's betrayal. He had often wondered who would do something like that for someone who deserved a death sentence for his betrayal.

"He... forgave me," he said finally. "Despite the fact I had lied to him and turned against him and Sam, and killed so many people..."

Arabelle nodded, leaning back on the park bench. "Yes. So what makes you think that if he didn't cast you aside for trying to become God, that he would cast you aside for an angel violating you?"

"Why haven't _you_ shoved me away for it?" Castiel asked, turning his gaze to his sister. "You said it yourself, I massacred thousands of angels..."

"Our Father taught us to forgive. What kind of angel would I be if I didn't?" She smiled warmly at him. "You have true love, brother, even if Dean doesn't understand it yet. That is the only reason Jack is here now. The bond you two share."

"Yes. Jack is truly a blessing. Dean loves him so much."

"So, why are you up here, then? You could be back on Earth, playing with your son and spending time with your family."

"I'm not ready, sister. Not yet. I need a little time."

She nodded in understanding and stood, smoothing out her purple slacks. "As you wish. In the meantime, I would like to answer Sam's prayer. He is worried for his family, and I wish to assist him."

Castiel smiled up at her. "You would do that?"

"Of course. I have been intrigued by the Winchesters for quite some time. I hope you feel better, Castiel, and know that people love you and care for you."

With a flap of wings, Arabelle vanished, and the blue eyed angel couldn't help but smile despite how broken he felt. If only he had his brother Gabriel here...

xoxo

Arabelle sat in the dark room, listening to the steady breathing of her new charge. She felt an ache in her chest as she thought of her brother in Heaven, feeling unwanted and unloved. As the angel of love, she felt like she had failed him somehow, even though logically she knew it wasn't entirely her fault. When Sam turned over in his sleep, she decided it was time to check on the rest of the Winchester/Singer family.

She appeared silently in Dean's room, where the hunter was staring blankly up at the ceiling. One of Jack's toys had been placed next to him, in the hopes that it would bring him out of his current state, but so far nothing had worked. There was only one thing that would work, however, and they'd soon figure that out. She slipped out of his bedroom after covering him up in his red and black blanket.

Bobby and Jody were in the next room, with Jack sleeping peacefully between them. The tiny angel had his downy white wings stretched out, attempting to touch both of his grandparents while he slept. Arabelle smiled at the sight, feeling warmth swell in her heart. With one last glance at Sam to make sure he would sleep through the night, she flew to one last place.

The Winchester bunker was silent as she entered it, save for the occasional tick of a clock or whir of one of the many mystical machines that kept the place running. She made her way down to the dungeon, where a short man in a blue hoodie and jeans stood in a devil's trap, an annoyed look on his face. His eyes swept up to meet hers, and he instantly put on a charming smile. She supposed it usually worked on others he encountered, but for Arabelle, it just made her want to kick him squarely in the groin.

Perhaps she _had_ been around humanity too long.

"Ah, Arabelle. You're looking beautiful today."

"Save the attempts at friendly banter, Scribe. I know what you have done to Castiel."

"Of course. And here I thought you guys weren't friendly with the Winchesters."

"Only the ones who were too foolish to understand how important those men are to the world." She snapped a chair into existence and sat down upon it, crossing her legs and regarding him with irritation.

"Heaven used them to start the Apocalypse," he said slowly, as if he was speaking to a small child.

"Maybe, but they were meant to stop it in their own way, not our way. They did what they were supposed to do. The Winchesters were never meant to be slaves to anyone. They are in some ways, more righteous than even angels."

Metatron scoffed. "More righteous than angels... have you gotten into their secret stash or something, sweetheart? Sam Winchester _raised_ Lucifer from his cage, and instead of shutting the gates of Hell, Dean chose to save his brother. He's paying for that mistake now, though." Metatron smirked, looking proud of himself.

She rolled her eyes. "You believe yourself to be more important than you are, Metatron. I don't know whether to laugh or feel sorry for you."

"Why have you come here? To rattle the monkey's cage?"

"That's part of the reason. I have to admit, seeing you trapped in there makes me incredibly happy."

Metatron looked taken aback. "You are pretty snarky for an angel. Did you attend the Winchesters School of Sarcasm?"

"If I did, I would have graduated with full honors."

The scribe threw his head back and laughed. "I like you, even though you _are_ on their side. Are you going to tell me why you're really here or not, Beautiful?"

"While I can appreciate your attempts to compliment my visage, I should probably tell you that I would rather bathe in a tub full of holy oil than get anywhere near you."

"Kinky. I like it."

She was undeterred by his attempts to get under her skin. "I wanted to let you know that this is the end of the line for you, Metatron. Your years of harassing the Winchesters and attempting to destroy my brother are over."

"You are my executioner, then?"

"Oh, nothing as permanent as that, my dear Metatron." She got up, and walked casually over to the edge of the holy fire trap. "You think you hold all the cards, and that you have somehow won because you have temporarily broken them? I think you have underestimated them yet again. And that is going to be your downfall." She turned to leave.

"Wait!" Metatron shouted. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Arabelle glanced over her shoulder and smiled at him, but there was no warmth behind it, only smug satisfaction. "Haven't you been paying attention? In all the time you've known the Winchesters and Castiel, when have they _ever_ given up on a fight, especially when someone they love has gotten hurt? You haven't weakened them, Metatron. You've only made them stronger, and when they come for your head, I am going to have a front row seat and a splatter poncho. If I have learned anything from watching them over the years, it's that you don't want to piss off Sam and Dean Winchester. And brother, you have royally pissed them off. I'd tell you good luck, but, you know..."

Metatron still tried to look calm and collected, despite her haunting words, and crossed his arms over his chest. "I beat them before, I can do it again."

"That's why I've decided to call in reinforcements," Arabella replied with a wink. "Because trust me when I say, I am not going to be the only one who wants you dead."

"I don't know what you're talking about. You can't possibly have anything but more incompetent angels. All of the archangels are dead or in the cage."

"Not all of them. There is one who just loves to trick people into making them think he's dead." Arabella tapped a finger against her chin thoughtfully. "I hear he has quite the sweet tooth, and a terrible temper when someone messes with his baby brother. Goodbye, Metatron. I do hope you have made peace with what you've done, because I doubt _they_ are going to give you the courtesy." 

With a snap of her fingers, she vanished, leaving Metatron to fall to his knees in the middle of the trap, the full realization of just how much he had fucked up washing over him and drowning him in panic.


	10. Chapter 10

Gabriel had been in Las Vegas for the past few years.

He wasn't hiding out like some coward, mind you. He just needed to take some time away from all the bullshit his sisters and brothers had gotten themselves into. Besides, he had to keep Lucy thinking that he was still dead. It still hurt, by the way. Big brother Satan had _really_ meant to kill him that day. That sort of thing really puts a rift in a relationship.

He didn't even know what was going on in Heaven anymore, because he had turned off angel radio as soon as he performed his greatest trick. He hated feeling so isolated from his own brethren, but it had been a long time coming. Gabriel got tired of their crap, and wanted nothing to do with their little pissing contest, so he stayed as far away as possible. He had slot machines, booze and 24 hour buffets. What more could he want?

He sat in the Circus Circus casino, musing about how a place like this would probably get Sammy Winchester all riled up. He sighed, knocking back his third margarita of the night. The shaggy haired hunter had gotten under his skin a long time ago, and it was yet another reason he _had_ to stay away. He was an Archangel, albiet a retired one, and he couldn't just go around getting into long term, monogamous relationships with humans. They were mortal! He would have to watch Sam die one day. Permanently, this time. Sure, he could go to Heaven to visit him, but then he'd have to deal with all those winged assholes, and that could really ruin a Tuesday. 

Gabriel watched as a buxom blond waitress walked by in a skirt that left little to the imagination. He could appreciate a good looking woman now and then, but none of them compared to how he felt about a certain man with hazel-green eyes and a fetish for plaid. 

He couldn't even remember when he had fallen for Sam. Somewhere between the Mystery Spot debacle and T.V. Land, maybe. He didn't know if the hunter even liked men, but Gabriel didn't want to stick around to find out. Those two chuckleheads always managed to get themselves into one mess or another, and he had enough drama with the tools upstairs. Oh, well. He still had his dreams to fall back on. 

Glorious, unadulterated, dirty little wet dreams with Sam wearing nothing but -

"So, _this_ is what you have been up to, brother?"

He startled, some of his strawberry drink sloshing over the side and onto his hand. He cursed, gingerly lifting up a cocktail napkin and dabbing at his skin. He knew who was sitting next to him - he'd know her anywhere. His annoyingly optimistic little sister who thought the world was all rainbows and kittens. He sighed again, propping his elbow up on the bar counter. 

"Bell! Long time." 

Arabelle rolled her eyes. "I hate that name and you know it."

"Give me time. I'll come up with something better."

"I've given you over a millennia of -"

Gabriel waved a hand. "Calm down, sis. So! What brings you to the big city?"

"I wanted to see how you were, Gabe. We haven't spoken in years."

He smirked, snapping his fingers and magically refilling his drink. "I was dead, remember? Had to keep up the ruse."

"Lucifer has been locked up in the cage for years now," Arabelle said, with a skeptical raise of an eyebrow. "There is no need to stay away anymore."

"Why? So I can be thrown headfirst into whatever apocalypse you guys are dreaming up this year?"

"You know that I never had any involvement in that!'

Gabriel twirled the little pink umbrella in his glass. "Maybe not, but as soon as I step foot back home, everyone's gonna want me to pick a side. I want no part of it, Bell." 

Arabelle was quiet for a moment, watching the various people pass by them. "Even after all this time on earth, I still do not understand humanity."

Gabriel huffed a laugh. "You and me both. Just when I think I have them figured out, they change the game."

"Is that how it is for you with Sam Winchester?"

"What?" The archangel sputtered, trying to sound indignant. "That's insane. Sam is just a lowly human. I don't feel that way about him."

She looked at him then like he was the dumbest asshole on the planet. "Brother, I am the angel of love. I always know when someone is deeply connected to another. You cannot hide it from me, and you shouldn't try. I'd never judge you."

"No, that's not -" Gabriel raked a hand through his hair. "Just drop it, okay? Liking humans is Castiel's bag, not mine."

"Sam prayed to me today."

Gabriel felt his heart drop. Had the Winchester found love finally? He SId nothing, and just waited for her to continue.

"It's not what you think," she said, as if she could read his mind. He sure hoped that she _couldn't_ , because she'd be traumatized by the disturbing amount of gay Sabriel porn he constantly had playing there.

"I - what did he want?" He asked, awkwardly clearing his throat.

"He was praying for Castiel."

The nervousness was replaced by fear. "For Cassie? What happened?"

"Something that you're not going to like."

"What is it? Was it that douchewad Dean Winchester? Did he break my little brother's heart?" Gabriel clenched a fist at his side. He never really liked the oldest Winchester, but he was willing to tolerate him for the sake of Sam and Castiel.

Arabelle gave him a small smile at the outburst. "No, Dean hasn't done anything to him except make him happy."

"They finally got together? About time." Gabriel took another drink from his glass. "What happened to Cassie?"

"Metatron happened."

At the name, Gabriel bristled, and he glanced sideways at her. "Tell me."

Arabella looked nervous now and began to twist the used napkin between her fingers. "Metatron captured him, and tortured him for months."

Gabriel just gaped at her, anger surging beneath his skin. "What?" Did the scribe really have the _balls_  to do such a thing?

"He soon discovered that Castiel was pregnant."

Pregnant? That would have to mean... "A soul bond," he whispered. It was incredibly rare, and he had only heard of it happening once.

She gave a nod. "With Dean."

"I figured. Now, go back to Metadouche hurting Cas?"

"He kept trying to steal the baby before it was born,"Arabella continued, looking sicker by the moment. Gabriel could relate - he was caught between wanting to throw up, and wanting to break the scribe's fat neck. "He wanted to use it as some sort of weapon against us. He kept Castiel there by threatening the lives of Sam and Dean."

More anger raced through his body, his grace thrumming with energy and power. Metatron had hurt his brother, tried to kidnap his nephew, _and_ threatened Sam? This mother fucker was about to learn what the wrath of an archangel felt like.

"There's more."

The words caused him to clench his fist so tight the glass broke, causing the margarita to slosh into the counter. "What could possibly be worse than this?" He asked through gritted teeth. He had a few ideas, but for Metatron's sake, he sure hoped he was wrong.

"He - he raped Castiel."

News reports would later call it a mysterious storm that seemingly came out of nowhere, and managed to blow out all the electricity from Nevada to California. The roof caved in somehow, and all the windows shattered into a million pieces. Every slot machine on the entire Vegas strip stopped working, and lightning crackled for an entire hour. No one noticed the pissed off archangel that stood in the wreckage, his eyes blazing an artic blue, and the shadow of 6 huge wings flapping furiously behind him. 

Anyone who would have seen him, might have pitied whoever was on that angel's bad side, because hell had truly been unleashed.

 


	11. Chapter 11

It had been a few days since all Hell had broken loose and his boys had shown up.

Bobby had been worried more than he let on, pushing himself into reading some of his old books and helping Jody take care of Jack. He was never good at emotions or feelings, much like the Winchesters were, but deep down he considered Sam, Dean and Castiel to be like sons to him. For years he had been the only one to stand by their side, even through certain death, because they were the reason he kept going each day.

When he had lost his first wife Karen to that demon, he had put all his energy and inner rage into hunting, going after all those evil sons of bitches that destroyed families and made children into orphans. As time had gone by, he realized Sam and Dean were lost, and needed that one constant in their lives to be able to come home to when the hunt got too much for them. He had spent many a night keeping vigil at their bedsides, a pair of warm arms to hug them tight when the nightmares took hold and made them scream until they were hoarse, and sob until they passed out in his grasp. He never brought it up at breakfast the next day, and neither did they. There was no need to. The gratitude showed in their faces.

The Winchesters were forced to grow up faster than anyone should have, especially Dean. He had been a soldier since he was barely 4 years old, taking care of his little brother while their father dragged them along on the dangerous road to revenge. So happily, he had taken up the job of second father, making sure that when they visited they got to be _kids_ , not hunters, not just another set of luggage in the backseat of the Impala. He taught Dean to play baseball, and taught Sam how to read some of the ancient texts on one of the many books Bobby had collected over the years. He showed Dean how to bake his first pie, and Sam how to plant a vegetable garden. All those little moments helped the boys get some semblance of a childhood, despite their father's efforts to keep them tough little soldiers ready to fight anything that came at them.

On the one hand, Bobby was grateful for that because it meant they could handle themselves when it came down to it. On the other, it meant that neither of them ever believed they deserved anything but a hunter's funeral in the end. That was something that broke his damn heart.

He sat now in the upstairs bathroom, gently bathing the tiny nephilim that carried the last name Winchester. Jack was very quiet as Bobby worked, those green eyes focused on the world around him much more than any normal 1 month old baby should be. He wondered if Jack had any clue what was really going on - were baby angels able to learn quicker than human ones? He supposed it made sense.

He gently rinsed off the downy white wings, smiling as the baby finally giggled and raised his eyes to look up at his grandfather. There was a sadness in their depths, despite the laughter, and Bobby was reminded when John had dropped off a baby Sam and a 4 year old Dean at his house and hastily sped off to find answers. Sam had looked up at him with the exact same emotions in his hazel eyes. Searching for answers, knowing something was wrong. Bobby took a shaky breath. Maybe it wasn't just an angel thing, after all.

The whole situation was so far beyond his depth that he had no idea how to help his boys. Facing the Devil, hunting demons, saving civilians, that was one thing. But trying to save his family from _themselves_ , that was another thing entirely. Dean had always been the glue that kept the family together, even if it meant making crossroad deals and throwing himself in danger. To see his son catatonic and unresponsive made him feel more helpless than he had ever felt in his life, next to when Karen had been possessed. He often thought about how, if he had known the things he did now, he would have been able to save her.

"How are you holding up?" Jody's voice came from the doorway and he found himself smiling, despite his dark thoughts. She was one of the few reasons he was handling this situation at all. He didn't think he could go through it alone.

The smile slipped from his scruff covered face as he turned to look at her. "I'm alright I guess. But I think Jack knows something is wrong."

Jody glanced over at the baby in the bathtub, who just looked so lost and afraid. "He hasn't seen his parents in days. I feel so bad for him. Damn Metatron!" She crossed her arms and glared at the wall as if it had done her a personal injustice.

"Still haven't heard from Cas yet, huh?" He knew the answer to that question but he thought he'd try anyway. Jack suddenly jerked up, looking around with wide eyes at the mention of his father's name. Bobby silently cursed himself. "Balls. I think he recognized..."

She nodded. "Seems so. What are we doing to _do_ , Bobby? I feel so..."

"Helpless?"

"Yeah."

She cleared her throat and tilted her head in the direction of the boy's rooms. "Neither one of them have even come out of their rooms. Even S-A-M has taken to just laying on his bed and staring at the ceiling."

"They're so damn broken," Bobby said with a sigh, gently pouring water on Jack's head to rinse off the baby shampoo.

 "Broken doesn't even begin to cover it," Jody muttered.

"Hello."

They both whirled around to look towards the doorway, where a red headed woman had suddenly appeared behind them. Jody brought out a gun from the waistband of her pants and pointed at the new visitor, while Bobby quickly grabbed up Jack in his arms, holding him protectively against his chest.

"Who the hell are you?" the hunter snapped.

The woman lifted up her hands in a defensive gesture. "Bobby and Jody Singer, I mean no harm to your grandchild. My name is Arabelle, and I am an angel."

Jody didn't lower her gun. "That's all fine and dandy, but how do we know that we can trust you? Angels and us don't exactly get along."

Arabelle nodded wistfully. "I understand your concern. My brothers and sisters have been known to be assholes on occasion."

Bobby let out a bark of laughter before he realized it, and the angel looked up and grinned. He quickly tried to school his face into a neutral expression. "So why are you here?" he asked.

"I have been watching over the Winchesters since Castiel left." Once again Jack looked around with wide, hopeful eyes and Bobby sighed.

Arabelle frowned at this, realizing what had happened. "When... _he_ left, your youngest son prayed for help. I came. I explained that I am the reason that your oldest son is in his current state. The events of a few days ago were far too much for him to handle, and I did it so he wouldn't lose his mind."

They both gaped at her at this, not sure whether to feel pissed or grateful at what she had done. "You?" Jody said, stepping forward. " _You_ are the reason that we have to... we have to spoon feed him everyday so that he will eat something!"

The angel gazed sadly at Jody, truly looking remorseful. "I do not regret what I have done. I did what was best for Dean, and Castiel agrees with me."

"You saw Cas?" Bobby asked hopefully. "Is he alright? Is he hurt?"

"He is in Heaven, attempting to recover from the trauma he has endured. He believes that none of you will want him because he thinks he is tainted and unclean now."

"That's ridiculous!" Bobby growled. "He is family. We want him here no matter what, and so does Jack."

"That is what I told him." Arabelle wiggled her fingers at the tiny baby in his grandfather's arms. "I know all of you haven't had the best experiences with angels, but trust when I say I am not like them. I have free will, much like Castiel does. He is my brother and I love him, and that will never change."

The two stared at her for a moment, trying to determine her honesty about what she just said. "Well, it's about time," Jody finally replied. "They need more people in their corner who actually care and want to help. I'm tired of seeing them screwed around by demons and angels. They aren't puppets for people to use and manipulate!"

"I agree," Arabelle answered. "The Winchesters are heroes, and I respect them as such."

"You ain't like any angel I ever met," Bobby laughed.

"I get that a lot. I am going to Heaven to check up on my brother. Thank you for watching out for my nephew. He needed someone there during this trying time."

Bobby shrugged. "This boy is my grandkid, so of course I'm gonna take care of him. And bring our angel back, would ya? Tell him we still want him here."

Arabelle nodded and vanished, and Jody turned to look at Bobby. "I like her."

The older hunter chuckled. "I think I do, too." 

 


	12. Chapter 12

Castiel had lost track of time as he sat there on that bench. He knew that it was beginning to hurt being away from Jack, and Dean and the rest of the family. An ache was in his heart, a reminder that he was too far away from the people he loved. His own selfishness had caused him to fly off and leave them to deal with the aftermath of the Metatron incident. That hadn't been fair to them.

And Jack... poor Jack was barely a month old by now, he thought. He had hoped they would be able to have one big happy family and give him some tiny semblance of normalcy, or as normal as being a nephilim raised by hunters and an angel could be. Instead, the angel did what he always does, and ruined things even more than he had.

But the time had come to stop being selfish. He _had_ to face things head on, and allow his family to be his family, and not expect the worst out of people who had forgiven him for _his_ worst long ago. Family don't end in blood, Bobby had once said. Those words rang true for Castiel and a smile crept onto his face for the first time in what felt like forever. If the angel ever considered a human being to be like a father to him, it would be Bobby Singer.

He stood up, and stretched his wings, preparing to fly away from this place. Arabelle had told him that the Winchesters were at the Singers' house, and both the brothers were in similar states. He had wondered if she put Sam into some coma-like trance the way she did with Dean, but she had simply shook her head and said it was all his own doing. Sam had said that Castiel was his brother, and the angel felt that way, too. So now, it was time to be the brother that Sam deserved, and stop running away from his problems.

He flew down to Earth, landing in the kitchen and scaring Bobby and Jody, who were feeding Jack a bottle. Jody drew a gun on him, then relaxed and sighed with relief. Jack let out an excited squeal and bounced in Bobby's arms excitedly, reaching desperately for his father. It warmed Castiel's heart to know his presence made his son so happy.

"Cas?" Bobby asked, standing hesitantly, more emotion on his face than Castiel had ever seen before. "Are you okay, boy?"

The angel nodded, feeling remorseful as he avoided the older hunter's gaze. "I will be. I am sorry for... everything I have put you though," he said sincerely. "I shouldn't have left."

"No apologies needed," Jody said, lowering her gun and slipping it back into her waistband. "Sometimes we need to be alone and figure things out."

Castiel paused, taking in their kind and caring faces which held no contempt, or disgust, despite all he had done. "You don't... _hate_ me?"

"We still love you the same, ya idjit. We're hurt you left like you did." Bobby took a step forward, Jack still wiggling in his arms. "Sam and Dean are in the worst depression I have ever seen them in, but it's only because they care about you so much. I'd be lying if I said what happened to you didn't make me feel upset, too." Bobby handed off Jack to the angel, who wrapped him tightly in his wings.

The humans couldn't see his feathery appendages of course, but Jack could, and he smiled as tiny hands reached up to gently grab onto them. He pressed a kiss to the baby's forehead, relief flooding through him that at least one member of their family wasn't completely shattered. "Thank you for taking care of him," he whispered, feeling tears threaten to fall down his face. He had been more emotional lately, though he wasn't quite sure why.

"Of course." Jody gestured to the stairwell. "Maybe you should..."

The angel nodded, carrying his son up the stairs and into Dean's room. He found it hard to breathe as he took in the scene before him.

The hunter was laying on the bed, loosely wrapped in a red and black blanket, his green eyes blank and staring into nothingness. A beard had began to grow on his face already, the dark ginger colored scruff a stark contrast to the man's pale face. Castiel gently laid Jack on the bed next to his Dad, laying down on the empty side of the bed. He trailed a hand over Dean's cheek, thinking about the different times over the years that he had seen Dean truly happy, drumming his fingers happily on the steering wheel of the Impala while listening to a AC/DC album, a goofy grin on his face. All the times that same grin would present itself when Dean would show Castiel another one of his favorite movies, in an attempt to help the angel understand his references.

Even those times when Dean had willingly thrown himself into danger for Castiel, despite the fact that he was an angel who could heal in moments, and Dean was a mere mortal. Rebelling against Heaven had never been the problem for Castiel, after all. The decision to do that had been as easy as flying for him. In a choice between Dean Winchester and the world, he would always choose Dean.

The hardest thing for him was accepting that he had fallen in love with the Righteous Man, and that Dean would never love him back.

The baby whimpered, reaching out for his Dad, a tiny fist clenching the black Kansas t-shirt that the hunter wore. Even Jack was desperate to see Dean smile again.

Castiel wasn't sure what prompted him to do what he did next, but he gently turned the hunter's face towards his, and placed a kiss on the plump pink lips. It was as if there was an electrical storm inside his mouth, all thunder and lightning and _passion_. Their lips crackled and sparked, and he felt a well of emotions surge to the surface, almost too overwhelming for him to handle. Castiel had imagined doing this a thousand times, but never thought it would be anything like this.

Suddenly, the green eyes began to flutter open and shut, and the angel pulled back quickly, staring down at Dean. The hunter groaned a bit, pressing a hand against his forehead and looking around the room in a panic. His gaze landed on the angel, and recognition and relief shone through those eyes, a rough, calloused hand reaching up to cup Castiel's face.

"Cas," he whispered. "You're here. Or am I dreaming again."

The angel pressed a hand over the hunter's, and let the tears finally flow. "Hello, Dean. I'm really here, and I'm never leaving again."


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS  
> Homophobic language, mentions of abuse

**_A few days ago..._ **

Dean ran into his bedroom, feeling his legs buckle beneath him. With one shaky hand, he pushed the door shut, not wanting to subject his brother further to his breakdown anymore than he already had. His body continued to shake from the internal abuse it had been put through, and he felt so violently sick he thought he would end up literally puking his guts out.

Visions swam behind his eyes of all the horrific things Metatron had just described. Even with all the sickening events the hunter had seen in his life, he was not even _remotely_ prepared for this. He supposed he should have expected the Scribe of God to play that card, using his weakness for family against him like that.

His weakness for Castiel...

He loved the angel. Of course he did. He had for years. But there was that John Winchester voice in his head that kept reprimanding him, cutting him down every time he had a thought about the angel that wasn't completely platonic or heterosexual.

_He's a **man** , Dean! You can't love another man, it's just sick! _

And so he would push it down, far below all the other things he refused to talk about or acknowledge. Time would pass, and Castiel would save him or Sammy, and his gratitude brought those thoughts to the forefront of his mind. He would smile adoringly at the heavenly being that chose to remain with them, love surging through him so much it was almost painful.

_I never taught you to be some kind of queer, Dean!_

It was enough to force his loving gaze away from Castiel and snap out some inappropriate joke, or act cold towards the angel in an attempt to put some distance between them.

He wasn't gay. He had been with women all his life - a total ladies man. His inner John Winchester was right. He _couldn't_ do this. So he didn't. The cycle would continue for years after that. His true feelings for the blue eyed, awkward man in a trench coat being pushed further and further away, tucked in the archives of his mind until they almost didn't exist anymore, because that was how it had to be.

Life moved on, through apocalypses and demon deals, and when Castiel betrayed them, became God and broke Sam's wall, it wasn't _just_ heartache over losing the greatest friend he ever had, it was the horrible agony that came from the person you love shattering your heart and your trust. Even then he couldn't explain to Sam the real reason he began drinking whiskey like water, despite the fact he knew his brother was no fool.

He clutched his chest to his hands, feeling his breaths come out shaky and desperate, unable to pull air into his lungs. A panic attack? He almost laughed at the absurdity of it. Dean Winchester wasn't afraid of _anything_!

_That's not really true, though, is it? You're always afraid of losing him..._

Dean cursed his inner monologue and tried to stand, only to flop back down again as if he had never used his own legs before. He was afraid. He was angry. He hated himself for allowing this to happen. He had failed Castiel _again_ , just like he failed every other fucking thing he cared about. It wasn't just the fact that the angel was in a man's meat suit that kept him from being with Castiel. It was the fact that this celestial being deserved so much better than some broken human with an inferiority complex. Hell, even Sam would have been a better choice for Castiel. At least his brother was able to talk about feelings.

_You claim to love him, but you failed him, Dean. You failed your angel when he begged you to come save him!_

He still couldn't breathe as he laid down on the ground, feeling the panic wash over him like a flood, those all too familiar images scraping against his brain. Castiel screaming, crying, bleeding, tortured. He had called out to Dean the whole time, pleading with whoever was listening that by some miracle his hunter would come rescue him. Instead, Dean had been too busy sulking and hating himself to save his angel, the one who had given up everything for him time and time again. What a worthless asshole he was...

"Dean Winchester, it will be alright."

He squinted up into the darkened room, barely able to make out a figure standing over him. He tried to reach into his pants to retrieve his gun but he felt frozen, still unable to pull that much needed air into his lungs. He could feel himself close to blacking out, and he welcomed it with open arms, desperate to put new pictures into his brain, anything but seeing his best friend get raped and violated over and over again.

Anything but that. He closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable attack, but then he sensed the woman leaning down next to him, and he looked up into shining aqua blue eyes.

"I am sorry, Dean. For everything you have experienced in your life."

"Wh-who are you?" he choked out.

"My name is Arabelle, and I am here to help."

"Not me... please... help Cas. Help him."

She placed a gentle hand on his cheek, lightly brushing away the tears that fell down the hardened face of the hunter. "You are always so willing to sacrifice yourself for the ones you love. It is a wonderful but dangerous quality to have."

"Don't care... just help Cas. I'll do anything you want."

She nodded, a smile on her red lips. "I know you would, as he would do for you. You are the strongest human I know, Dean, but even _this_ is too much for you to handle."

"Please end this. I can't... I failed him. I don't deserve..."

"You don't deserve to feel pain. You don't deserve to feel the loss you do. So please, allow me to spare you some of the grief that you put on your shoulders." She looked down at him, a pleading look on her face.

"My son... he needs me."

"Jack will be fine, Dean. He is a Winchester, and he has a loving family who will watch over him. It's time for you to take a break from all that suffering. When you wake up, the light will shine in your life once more." She waited for his answer.

He finally nodded. "Yes... please take this pain away from me. I can't take it anymore."

She pressed two fingers to his forehead, and the darkness finally overtook him.

He didn't feel it as his brother carried him to the Impala and drove off. He didn't hear as his brother broke down in sobs next to him in the driver's seat and begged God or anyone to help him. He certainly didn't feel when a red haired angel came to spoon feed him during the day, making sure that he didn't get any weaker than he already was. But he _could_ feel lips on his, a tender loving kiss that caused light to shine behind his eyes and sparks to fly around in his mouth.

When he awoke, there was that familiar man laying next to him, his best friend, the angel he loved with all his heart. A tiny hand clutched his shirt, and he turned his head to look at his son, who gazed at him with hope and relief. He pressed a hand to Castiel's face, feeling the angel cover his hand with his own.

_When you wake up, the light will shine in your life once more._

"Cas," he breathed. "You're here. Or am I dreaming again."

"Hello, Dean. I'm really here, and I'm never leaving again " The gravelly voice that always made his heart skip a bit reached his ears and made him feel elated beyond measure.

"How long has it been?"

"A few days." The angel sighed, looking guiltily away. "I've been hiding, Dean. I put our family in a terrible position, forcing them to deal with Jack by themselves while I ran like a coward. Your brother has been in his room, a complete mess... I have failed you."

Dean shook his head, slowly sliding his body upwards to lean against the headboard. He placed Jack against his chest, wrapping an arm carefully around the tiny body. "This was my fault, actually. Arabelle-"

"I know."

"What?"

"Arabelle is a good angel, and she meant well. She told me what happened. You were so upset by what Metatron had said and done that it became too much for you, so she tried to spare your mind the hurt."

Dean nodded. "Yeah, that about sums it up."

"Why did it bother you so much?" Castiel asked, with a tilt of his head.

The hunter glared at him. "Seriously, dude? Why do you think?"

"I assume it is because we are brothers in arms, and you felt like you let down a fellow soldier."

"Wow, that's pretty cold, Cas, even coming from you," Dean snapped out. Jack whimpered against him and he placed a kiss on the baby's temple. "There there, little guy. Daddy's here now."

"I don't understand what I've done wrong," Castiel said, frustrated.

"Don't you get it?" Dean asked, trying to keep his voice calm so as not to worry their son. "You're not just a _soldier_ to me. I don't want you around just because you got angel mojo, or because you save our asses all the time. I can take care of myself, and so can Sammy."

"Then, why?"

Dean sighed, realizing that it was now or never. Life was already too damn short, but the life of a hunter was even shorter. "Because I love you, idiot! Don't you get that?"

The angel smiled shyly at him, slowly reaching out to grasp the hunter's hand. "Really?"

"Yeah, Cas. Really. It was just so hard for me to admit because-"

"I am in a male vessel."

"That's one of the reasons. But it has nothing to do with _you_ personally. It's my dad conditioning me to believe that two dudes being together is wrong and unnatural."

"God is utterly indifferent to sexual orientation."

Dean smiled a little. "You would know."

"Humanity has gotten much of the bible wrong. It actually states that-"

"Cas." Dean chuckled, leaning over to place a kiss on the angel, silencing him. "Shut up."

Castiel stared up at him, wide eyed. "Why do you love me, Dean? I'm even more broken than you are."

"You're amazing, Cas. Always have been. When everyone else has left me, you always stayed. And yeah, you did some fucked up things, but I forgave you because my need for you outweighed what you had done. Maybe it was selfish, maybe it was stupid, but I don't regret it one bit. I just don't know if I'm good for you. I'm poison. Everyone around me dies."

"Dean, I'm not going to die."

"You _have_ died, Cas. And you almost did again thanks to that douche. Who, by the way, is going to meet a knife to the face if he's still alive. I don't know what Sammy did to him while I was out for the count."

"He's still trapped in the bunker dungeon."

Dean smirked a little. "Good. I could use some one on one time with him."

"I don't know if that's such a good idea." Castiel frowned. "Look how badly it turned out last time."

"Last time, we were all unprepared and not united as we should have been. I was so busy trying to pretend my feelings for you didn't exist, that I let my guard down. Besides, now I know what he has done. And now I'm just pissed."

The angel grinned, squeezing his hand. "That doesn't bode well for him."

"No, it doesn't. So here's what we're going to do. We are going to get Sammy, spend a few days together like a normal fucking family, and then we are going to go back to the bunker and deal with Metatron. Sound good?"

"Yes, Dean. I'm with you all the way."

The hunter smiled back at him. "Awesome. Because you can't get rid of me, now."

"I wouldn't want to."

"If you two lovebirds are done with the cheesy rom-com dialogue, can I just say - it's about fucking time!"

They both turned, to see Gabriel leaning against the doorframe with a red lollipop hanging out of his mouth. 

"Gabriel," Castiel breathed. "How is this possible?"

"We saw Lucifer kill you!" Dean sputtered. "You were dead."

"Helloooo, trickster!" Gabriel replied, pulling the candy out of his mouth with a _pop_. "Now, where is our dear brother Metatron? I have a few things I'd like to...discuss with him."

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> So, I was going to wait until tomorrow to post this, but seeing as how I've been receiving such wonderful comments and so many kudos, I decided to just post it now. I think after all the sadness and despair, we need a cute fluffy chapter, don't you?

It was family day for the Winchester/Singer household.

It had been a week and a half since Dean had woken up and Castiel had returned, much to everyone's relief. They still hadn't made their way back to the bunker yet, because once they got there, the apple pie life they had been enjoying for themselves would be over, and they would have to face the scribe of God once more. They still had to find out what plans he had been concocting, and what his intentions had been for Jack. They had no idea if Metatron had recruited allies to the cause, so they would do whatever it took to find out if he had. They weren't taking anymore chances with him. 

Needless to say, after the horrible emotional pain they had all been through, everyone just needed to take a break and do something non-supernatural related. The family was mostly reunited now (except for Charlie, who was on her way there), and things were starting to look up. Sure, Metatron _was_ still stuck in their dungeon, but they would deal with _that_ little problem in due time. The scribe was just lucky that everyone who wanted to kill him was miles away right now, getting ready to go to a barbecue, swim in the lake, and pretend he didn't exist.

Then, there was the little issue of Gabriel returning out of nowhere. Sam thought the trickster was long dead, having personally witnessed Gabriel's demise himself. He had been devastated when it happened, though he had never told anyone that, especially Dean. At the time, he didn't think his brother would understand, since the older Winchester couldn't even handle his _own_ latent homosexual tendencies, much less someone else's. Gabriel died, and so did Sam's feelings - at least, that's what he had been telling himself since it happened. 

But now, the short, sarcastic archangel was back, and Sam didn't know what to do about it. 

He knew that Gabriel wasn't there for _him_ , of course. There was a far greater issue that they had to deal with, and it wasn't as if the angel was interested in Sam to begin with. Not when he could conjure entire realities to include whatever he desired. Not when he had power and eternity at his fingertips. Sam was just a man, a hunter who had gotten addicted to demon blood and broken the world. Guys like him didn't get the love of an angel. It was no wonder why he ended up with Ruby like he did. But today was supposed to be a happy day, and he wasn't going to ruin it by thinking about what might have been. 

Before everyone piled into the Impala to head to the nearby park, Sam had headed to Dean's bedroom - well, now Dean and Castiel's bedroom it seemed - to see if they needed any help getting ready. He ended up having front row seats to a hilarious show that would have made an equally hilarious sitcom.

Dean was running around the room, one sock on, one off, clad only in boxers and a Star Trek t-shirt, attempting to pack a diaper bag. Castiel was running around after him, Jack in one arm, and waving a pair of pants dramatically in the air with the other, trying to get Dean to put them on so they could go, while Dean was panicking about not being able to find Jack's favorite stuffed moose (yeah, the joke wasn't lost on Sam, either).

So Sam stood in the doorway, arms crossed, trying desperately not to break into laughter, because seeing his brother like this was worth it taking two hours longer than everyone else for them to get this show on the road. One thing he was happy about, was Dean finally admitting his feelings for the angel. He didn't think he could handle another year of eye fucking and sexual tension.

He hadn't been surprised when Dean came into his room a few days after he woke up, a slightly terrified look on his face. Sam had instantly gone into hunter mode, pulling out his gun and leaping off his bed, getting ready to fight whatever had caused that fearful expression.

Dean had simply put a hand up and chuckled, sitting down on the red plaid comforter. "So, uh... you know how you like salad, right?"

Sam slipped the gun back into the waistband of his jeans and cocked an eyebrow. "Yeah, why?"

"Say one day you saw this burger. Normally you don't like burgers, of course, because all your life it's always been salad for you. But then you see this _amazing_ cheeseburger, covered in bacon and melted cheese and it makes you start to rethink everything you thought you knew."

"Uhh... what?"

"Just listen. So you go to order salad one day, but then like... you see a picture of this burger and it makes your mouth water and you wonder what it would be like to put all that meat in your mouth and feel it sliding down your throat... wait, that sounds wrong. Let me start over."

Yeah, it definitely did. There wasn't enough brain bleach in the world to get rid of _that_ image. 

"Dean, I know you want to be with Cas."

His brother had gone wide eyed, looking like he wanted to run right back out of the door. "You knew?"

Sam looked at him like Dean had just claimed _Jersey Shore_ was a good show. "Dude, seriously? I'm only around you 24-7, and Cas too. You could have just come out and told me you wanted to be with him, instead of comparing him to a cheeseburger."

Dean laughed nervously. "Yeah, I guess. I was just worried what you might think."

"Why would I think any less of you for it?"

"Because's he's a... dude." Dean's face flushed and he swallowed hard. "I thought you would disown me or something."

Sam stepped up to his brother and put his hands on Dean's shoulders. "First of all, I would _never_ disown you for wanting to follow your heart and be happy with someone. Second, I have done far worse than you have and you haven't disowned me yet. I raised Lucifer, fucked a demon and got addicted to demon blood. You fell in love with an angel. I think as far as bad people go, I got you beat."

Dean looked back at him, anger spreading on his face. "You're not a bad person, Sammy. You're like Cas... you both think you're doing the right thing and sometimes shit blows up in your face. We all got through it, and life moves on. At the end of the day, you're my brother no matter what."

"Exactly. So what makes you think I would turn on you for wanting to be with someone who _happens_ to be a man?"

Dean sputtered in disbelief. "Did you just reverse psychology me, dude?"

"Of course not." Sam smirked and stepped away from Dean, picking up his sweatshirt off the bed and shrugging it on. "So stop being so fucking insecure, jerk, and go be with Cas already. No one's going to stop you."

"Bitch." Dean smiled gratefully and wrapped him in a quick hug. "Thanks, Sammy. You're the best."

With that, he ran out of the room like a kid who had been told Christmas was coming early.

So now Sam stood, watching his two brothers, men who have faced Lucifer and Michael and countless demons and monsters without a speck of fear on their faces, attempt to do the simple task of packing a diaper bag for a trip to the park, and failing miserably.

"Dean, put your pants on."

"Cas, just fucking hold on, alright? I can't find Mr. Moosey."

"Jack can go for a short time without it. People are waiting."

"Let them wait! You know how much he likes that damn moose!"

"Fine, let me help you find-"

"Dammit Cas! have you seen my other sock?"

"It's right there on the bed where you left it."

"Thanks. Ugh, cant you just mojo the fucking thing into his bag or something?"

"I don't think that's a constructive use of my grace, Dean. Just because we are together now and have a child doesn't mean I'm going to take the easy way out in raising Jack."

"You're no help, man!"

"I hardly think me refusing to 'mojo' our son's stuffed moose into a bag makes me a terrible parent."

"I never said you were a terrible parent! I just wish you would help me. You're in such a damn hurry to get out of here-"

"Look, Dean, it was right here in his crib."

"Good. Shit, now where the hell is my sock?"

"Still on the bed."

"Well, why didn't you say so?"

"Gee, I don't know, Dean. I thought it was _much_ more productive to stand here and watch you aimlessly run around and waste time."

"What good would that have done?"

And that was all Sam could take. He spun on his heel and ran down the stairs, finally bending over and laughing so hard he thought he was going to pass out. Arabelle appeared next to him and put a hand on his shoulder, looking at him with concern. He glanced up at her and wiped tears from his eyes.

"Oh my God, Ara. You missed it."

She smirked at him, her aqua colored eyes twinkling. "Actually, _you_ are the one who missed the best part. I have a direct line to my brother, and the thoughts he is broadcasting to me without realizing makes me grateful for the ability to hear them."

Sam straightened up and looked curiously at her. "Like what?"

Gabriel walked into the room, twirling a turtle innertube around his hand. "At one point he said, 'Father, would it be a sin if I tossed Dean back into Hell, just for the afternoon?'. I was laughing so hard I nearly landed in China instead of here."

Arabella covered her mouth, giggles shaking her body. "Now he is saying, 'I swear to you Father I am going to shove this fucking sock up Dean's fucking ass if he asks for it one more time'."

Sam lost it again and bent over holding his stomach. Arabelle rarely swore, but when she did, it made the situation even more funny than it already was. "That is..." he wheezed. "I can't... fucking hilarious..."

Jody and Bobby appeared in the doorway. "What are you 3 idjits laughing about?" Bobby asked, hoisting the bags with the beach chairs over his shoulder.

"Dean and Cas acting like an 'old married couple'," Arabelle answered, complete with air quotes.

Jody rolled her eyes. "Well the 'old married couple better get their asses in gear'. It's almost noon already." She walked outside with Bobby to finish packing up the Impala. For a mere afternoon trip, it was quickly turning into a tactical affair.

Finally, Dean and Castiel came downstairs, miraculously dressed and ready. Sam smiled at his nephew, who actually gave him this "fuck my life" look that nearly had him in stitches again. He bit his lip to keep from laughing and ran outside to the Impala, his face red and tears streaming down his face.

After another small argument about how to properly put in the car seat without hurting Dean's Baby, they were finally off. Three angels, four hunters, and a nephilim. It was going to be an interesting afternoon.


End file.
